Mary Portas Queen of Frocks- turning a department store into a sex shop?

Purple dildos and ‘Armoury’tights worn on the arms, were just some of Mary’s ideas for her new store at House of Fraser.

On last night’s episode of Queen of Frocks, the retail guru told House of Fraser bods that she wanted the design of her retail space to be fun and sexy with neon pictures of naked silhouettes of women and an area selling sex toys.

‘This is a family store’, the managers told her. ‘I don’t want to have to explain to my seven-year-old what a dildo is’, said another.

So the dildo’s were replaced with a line of homeware, a comparable compromise?

Things got worse as a month to go until the launch, and Mary’s collection was slated by her group of forty something women and a focus group set up by her business manager to decide whether Mary should be the face of the advertising campaign, after the retail consultant refused to do it, not wanting a celebrity endorsed line, like she said ‘Linda Barker with DFS.’The focus group, who agreed that Mary’s face shouldn’t be used to advertise the brand, said her clothes were boring and not quirky like the way she dresses.

However, Mary’s harshest critic was forty something Penn, who told her that her suit (part of collection) made her (Penn) look like a McDonalds manager, her sheer shirt was something she would have worn in the eighties, and a tight-fitting dress, which the other women said looked lovely on her, she claimed covered up her body which was better than the dress.

Taking on their feedback, Ms Portas extended her collection with clothes that she would wear, wasn’t that an obvious move, adding a leopard print shift dress and leather panelled dress. She also came up with, what she considered to be a genius idea to banish bingo wings and replace the shrug, ‘Armoury’, tights worn as sleeves, which Daily mail journalist Liz Jones scoffed at.

And that wasn’t Mary’s only problem, her only make member of staff Mark failed to respond to messages about a training day, leaving Mary to chase him herself, and then missing his train to go and view Mary’s shoe collection in collaboration with Clarks, along with the rest of the team. He turned up an hour late and missed the training. Mary warned Mark, who has been unemployed for a year, she was taking a risk with him.

On next week’s episode Mary’s store opens to the public.

Mary Queen of Frocks-The retail consultant is off to a difficult start

Queen of Shops Mary Portas put her money where her mouth is as she turned her dream of starting a clothing line for 40 plus women into reality.

On the first episode of Mary Queen of Frocks, the retail consultant was up against the clock to design and create a collection unique to anything else on the high street, and recruit 12 members of staff to work for her brand.

The first hurdle was to find a backer crazy enough to agree to work with head strong Mary.Marks and Spencer's ignored her and the chairman of Jaeger and Aquascutum said he couldn't do it. A glimmer of hope came when Ms Portas received a call from department store House of Fraser, who agreed to giver her a 2,000 sq ft space in their flagship (Oxford Street). The catch? 'You need to make £2m in the first year', said CEO John King, and create a collection and have the space up and running in six months, a mean feat even for Mary.

Ms Portas' plan-to produce from scratch seven easy pieces, not tweak-ready made collections as House of Fraser had hoped.

Then came the problem of recruiting staff. After a talk with the department store's existing employees, many of whom were told they could loose their jobs as the shop is modernised, only one person applied, Siobhan from Austin Reed.

'I feel like Billy no mates', said Mary. So she took her search nationally and placed an ad in the Metro newspaper, a move which saw hundreds of people apply and Mary Whittle them down to just 12. Among Mary's team of staff, former Biba manager, a camp Northerner and a self proclaimed crazy woman. Siobhan didn't make the cut.

At the same time she recruited a group of 'real women' in their fifties to advise her and enlisted the help of her wedding dress designer.

 But with so much more to do before the store can open will it prove too much for Mary and will she crack under the pressure. The pressure of delivering perfect customer service after criticising other brand's' service and making a profit rather than a loss, as most lines starting out do.

Educating Essex-6th October

The school is dealing with a good kid heading in the wrong direction. Charming but cheeky Vinni was a model student when he started at school, but since the recent break-up of his parents' marriage his behaviour has deteriorated. So much so that head teacher Mr Goddard worries whether Vinni will make it to the end of year 11. When Vinni's home situation dramatically changes, it has a huge impact on his school life and leads Mr Goddard to one of the most heartbreaking moments in his career.

Jamie's Food Revolution LA-the chef refuses to give in

Jamie fought back against the LAUSD last night by moving his kitchen outside Wesr Adams’ school after his filming permit expired.

He told the students on his last visit them and their families are welcome to come to his kitchen to learn about healthy food and how to cook. They can’t stop me on my own premises out of school time, he reminded them.

The naked chef also worked to convince Mike, who is part of the team that runs West Adams’ school, to become independent of the LAUSD and go it alone like one school an hour and a half’s drive away in Santa Barbara. The only problem is budgets, confessed Mike on a visit to the school. But the chef proved that healthy food costs can be kept to a minimum as the Santa Barbara institution have 70 per cent of pupils on free school meals and still make a profit by growing their own fruit and vegetables. Pupils even said they liked their school’s meals and marked them 10/10.

Mike agreed to go ahead with the changes, starting with introducing a vegetable bed into his school, something Jamie was not allowed to help with having been disallowed from stepping onto the school’s grounds.

During the programme, the chef also revisited the family he helped in last week’s show, and received an award from UCLA for ‘Public Health Champion.’

‘This year I haven’t errant it yet’, he said in his thank you speech. ‘It’s been the hardest month of my whole career.’

‘The only way brilliant change can happen is if all areas come together at the same time and invest in making social health change.’

However, next week it looks like Jamie could get his wish, as the newly appointed LAUSD superintendent agrees to a meeting and suggests changing (food) policy in schools.

Jamie's Food Revolution LA-the chef is under attack

Jamie’s filming came to an abrupt end on last night’s programme as the production company had their permits revoked by the LAUSD, causing filming to cease at the LA school.

‘Anyone would think we’re dealing with military secrets’, argued Jamie.

‘We’re going to fight the decision’, Mike reassures the chef.

‘We’re the good guys’, said Jamie.

The news came after Jamie was told by the school he could cook for all the pupils under the advisory programme, designed to get kids ready for college.

Earlier, the celeb chef took over a maths and social studies class. In maths he shown the pupils the effects of ‘bad’ foods can have on their health. The pupils were asked to choose a snack, chocolate, pizza, an orange, fizzy drink, and made them carry the weight on their back that they would put on over a month of eating the same types of foods without exercise.

In social studies, the pupil’s met their ‘future selves’, men and women who are overweight and suffering from health problems such as type 2 diabetes. The lesson hit home, with many of the teens admitting they worry about their family’s health.

The celeb chef also helped a single dad, who was struggling to provide his two sons with healthy meals, instead he feed them fast food nearly three times a week.

‘They (LAUSD) won’t stop me or the Food Revolution’, said Jamie. ‘I’m going guerrilla. LAUSD don’t own the kids or me. I’m going to find a kitchen right in front of the school for teachers and parents.’

‘If they wanted a war they’ve got one.’

Although the LAUSD told Jamie they wouldn’t be changing their decision at a meeting of the board the chef attended where he thanked the district for their time and co-operation.

‘It’s not a boutique café operation’, said LAUSD administrator Raymond Kortinez. ‘We have guidance we have to follow. I was at an elementary school in the week, all the food was proper. Not everyone liked it but that’s what we have to serve.’

‘You’ve attempted to make the school a stage. I’ve made the decision.’

Jamie asked he if could respond to the comments, the board shook their heads.

However, it looks like there could be light at the end of the tunnel next week as the LAUSD appoint a new superintendent.

New series of My Big Fat Gyspy Wedding

CH4’s My Big Fat Gypsy Wedding, the series which documents the lives of Irish travellers, English Gypsies and Romany Gypsies, will return to our screens early next year.

Like the first series, next year’s episodes will take the same style and go into more detail around issues around work and money, life on the road, family, health, prejudice, education, cultural differences and the relationship between the different travelling communities living in the UK.

The show will also feature some familiar faces, including dressmaker Thelma Madine, Irish traveller Paddy Doherty and some of the brides from the first series, along with new families.

Jamie's Food Revolution: LA's Schools Board doesn't play ball

Jamie recruited a small army of kids on last night’s episode of the Food Revolution, in an attempt to get the LA Schools District on board, and allow him to make changes to school meals.

But despite making some allies, he was still refused entry to the city’s elementary schools. That is until he found a loophole in the system, a school owned by the LAUSD but run by contractors LMA, who welcomed him to the school, but warned him they needed results as going against the board could mean the school looses funding and they loose their jobs.

To keep the LAUSD sweet, the school made Jamie pose as a cookery teacher, giving him the chance to teach the children, half of which are obese, about the importance of eating good food. He shown a small group who take culinary skills how to make burritos and learnt that most of them fear becoming ill from being overweight. One girl, Sophia, told Jamie how her 13-year-old sister and parents have type 2 diabetes, and she worries she is next. Jamie’s plan- to get the group to act as his crusaders and come up with a healthy alternative to school meals.

However, the LAUSD got wind of his ideas and forbid him from talking to any of the children about school meals. Even peering through the window into the cafeteria Jamie got a telling off. ‘In the land of the free I can’t talk to children about the food they eat everyday. It makes me angry, and as Americans it should make you furious’, said Jamie.

The celeb chef’s luck didn’t improve when he made a return visit to see Deano, who runs a fast food restaurant. Jamie told the owner that he could double his takings, and asked for full control of the menu for two weeks.

‘Two weeks is too long’, claimed Deano. ‘I have a wife and kids. I’m concerned because you are English and wasn’t born in America. You don’t know what a milkshake is.’ Deano’s comment referred to last week when the chef adapted his milkshakes to make them healthier using yoghurt instead of ice-cream and fresh fruit instead of syrup, a drink which the fast food owner said was more like a smoothie.

In the end Deano agreed with Jamie to split the menu in half, the old originals vs Jamie’s three new healthier burgers with less than half the calories, and his lighter milkshake. All appeared to be going well, with the customers giving Jamie’s burger the thumbs up, until the chef posed as a customer and ordered a shake from the drive through, only to see Deano add ice-cream and syrup to his healthy milkshake.

‘I thought it needed something’, was Deano’s excuse.

And it seems next week Jamie is in for an even tougher time. Will the chef ever get a break?

New series from the Embarrassing Bodies team

Dr Christian Jessen, Dr Dawn Harper and Dr Pixie McKenna are back this month with CH4's new programme- Diagnosis Live from the Clinic. The programme, which starts on Wed 25 May at 8pm, sees the doctors diagnose patients who consult with the team via a web cam.

The series will also see viewers test leading, readily available products that are used to treat everyday conditions such as thrush, hayfever, athletes foot, acne and head lice.

Stuart Baggs stars in Celebrity Five to go

A new series of Celebrity Five go to starts this month, and with participants including The Apprentice's Stuart 'The Brand' Baggs and Christopher Biggins, expect fireworks and classic one-liners.

The show, which follows a group of celebs, who must compete in a series of task to win the title of best holiday-maker, will see the stars travel to Cape Town in South Africa.

Just for your amusement.

Celebrity Five go to starts on 23 May at 5pm on CH4.

Thursday night TV at its best- My Big Fat Royal Gypsy Wedding

While everyone's gone mad for the Royal wedding, CH4 are airing an alternative tomorrow night, the marriage of Irish travellers Mary and Paddy.

The 23-year-olds, who have been together for three years, hope that their wedding will rival Kate and Wills' in the glamour stakes, but organising a wedding in three weeks its inevitable there will be tears and tantrums.

Mary commissions the famous Thelma and her team to make her dream dress complete with 40,000 crystals, the most Thelma has ever used, and an 18ft train. They work around the clock to get the dress finished and please the bride. But its the wedding cake that doesn't go quite to plan, as the cake makers struggle to find enough tables to hold the masterpiece.

On top of that, the bride arrives an hour late to the church, accompanied by her maid of honour, young sister Margaret, five other bridesmaids and two mini brides, who wear sugar pink. Bet that isn't Kate Middleton's colour choice?

The couple, who actually married a fortnight ago, are now enjoying their honeymoon.

Bodyshocks: Dad's Having a Baby- Do we care?

Dull and mis-leading was the CH4 documentary that featured gay married couple Tom and Scott Moore as they naturally gave birth to a baby boy.

No it wasn’t a scientific breakthrough as the title suggests, just Tom who used to be a woman and has a female reproductive system giving birth to a boy, who was conceived with a sperm donor because partner Tom was also born a woman, however has gone through the full change, which allowed them to legally marry. Hard to keep up?

Just to add to the confusion, Tom also had two adopted sons, Greg and Logan, 13 and 11-years-old, one with Aspergers. Of course growing up in a small Californian town with two dads, one of whom is pregnant is tough for the boys, an issue that the programme focuses on, along with the pair’s struggle to be accepted, whereas the doc originally suggested the pregnancy would be the main subject, disappointing not to say the least. And rather than follow the couple whole-heartedly through their struggle for acceptance, the programme just went through the motions and was haphazard and dreary at times.Background TV rather than the attention grabbing doc I thought was being promised.

Lily Allen Riches to Rags- How the mighty pop star has fallen.

Lily was left with no choice on last night’s episode, than to use her name and the status that comes/came with it, to benefit her shop, despite having claimed she would never go down that route.

The former pop star, along with her sister Sarah, agreed to endorse an alcoholic drink, when Lily was pregnant, and for her name to be used to speed up the process of Opening Lucy in Disguise, with brand manager Jess warning the old owners of their soon to be premises not to piss Lily off, after they dropped the bombshell that the sisters couldn’t have the store two weeks before their launch, after having previously agreed to a week earlier.

And with work-shy Lily pregnant and housebound due to severe morning sickness, Sarah once again had to take the reins and sign off on all the big decisions, including the design of the store and launch party.

Even when Lily felt better she opted to take her dog Mabel to a psychologist rather than focus on the store. Then she moaned to Mary Portas and Sarah that she felt disassociated with Lucy in Disguise and ‘it’s not a sob story’, but that it appeared Sarah was the boss, which erupted after the girls fought over where the most expensive pieces should be in the shop. ‘Is it how I would have done it-no’, says Mary later to camera.

However, the shops is miraculously finished on time, shows what you can do when money is no object, and the launch party goes ahead without any glitches. All is going well, until Lily at six months pregnant has a miscarriage.

Months later and she’s done her first week of work after admitting something changed in her after she lost the baby. And she’s now realised how lucky she is, better late than never I suppose. ‘I must have been a moany old cow’ she says. Lily that is an understatement.

According to Channel 4, the shop is now breaking even and the girls plan to move to bigger premises. Yes Sarah may have done her research, but you can read all the retail books in the world and it doesn’t mean you have a business sense.

Bon Voyage Kirstie and Phil

Next Wednesday (30 March) property gurus Kirstie and Phil will swap the housing market for sun, sea and sand in their new programme Vacation,Vacation, Vacation.

Instead of sharing their property expertise, the pair will demonstrate how to get the best out of your holiday by visiting one destination each week. The first programme of the series will see them visit Ibiza, with Kirstie on a shoestring budget and Phil without a limit. Kirstie picks a campsite on the north east coast in Cala Nova, while Phil checks out a private suite at one of the island's most exclusive hotels. But whose holiday will come out on top?

Jamie's Dream School- The cracks start to show

You can take the concept out of school but you can't the pupils, leant Jamie as the kids continued to run riot in the Dream School.

Even acting head John cracked under the pressue, telling Jamie 'I can't sleep. Over the last two days I've been more stressed than over the last two years in my job. If I'd of known it would have been like this I wouldn't have done it.'
'The harder it is the greater reward', reminded Jamie. 'But I will cry with you at the end of the four weeks if it's (outcome) not perfect.'

The kids' disruptive behaviour also caused the new teachers- Professor Mary Beard, Latin, and former Poet laureate Sir Andrew Motion, to nearly pack the job in after one lesson. Fortunately for Jamie, they stuck it out, with Sir Michael making his poetry class optional, kicking the rowdy pupils out of his lesson, and Prof Mary asking the teens how they thought she could control their bad behaviour, which helped get them on side.

The Dream School also lost one pupil, LeToya, who agonised over whether to continue with the scheme. After deciding not to quit, her one-year-old daughter came down with chicken pox. LeToya was crushed.

Next week Cherie Blair and Daley Thompson try their hand at teaching, plus the students observe a real-life surgical procedure, beats reading a text book!

Lily Allen Riches to Rags- Nice work if you can get it?

 Lily was off in her own little world again in last night’s episode of Riches to Rags, as her sister Sarah and their brand manager worked tirelessly to get their store- Lucy in Disguise, off the ground. Whereas workshy Lily, who claimed she intended to work in the store when it opens, put more time into her new flat and reading stories about herself in the press.

‘I’m the creative side, you’re the business side’, she told her sister as they prepared for a meeting with the bank. A meeting which had been set up by Sarah, who drew up the business plan single handed.

Even when it came to marketing the product, the supposed creative side, once again Lily’s input was minimum as she stood by their brand director who chose and styled a model for a photo shoot to promote the brand.

Finding a premises for the store was also like the blind leading the blind, so thank God for Mary Portas who managed to convince the girls that having a store away from the main foot fall would be detrimental to their business. ‘We want it to be a shopping destination’, claimed Sarah and Lily, who had their hearts set on a premises in Great Titchfield Street, metres away from Topshop's flagship store. When Covent Garden as a location was suggested, the girls implied it was too high street for their customer, who is meant to be the average girl who can afford a piece of luxury at their store reminded Mary.

Days/weeks later they visit a store off Covent Garden’s piazza. Lily, the cash cow, clearly isn’t happy but what with limited options and time running out goes along with the idea.

Boy troubles at The Model Agency

There were tears and tantrums on last night's show as drama queen John returned to the agency following his hissy fit last week.

The commercial booker took a meeting with MD John, owner Carole's brother, to discuss why he walked out mid-shift. John said it was becaue Carole told him he had an attitude problem and shouted at him for ordering the wrong flowers. 'You're over-sensitive', says Chris. 'You need to cut Carole some slack, she's working from 9am-1am the following morning and is tired and grumpy.' John replied, 'Carole didn't congratulate me on meeting my sales target'. This is despite Chris having had taken him for a meal to say well done.

John and Annette.

Chris tells him to get it together and John returns to work. Carole even takes him out for a drink, nothing like special treatment to wind everyone else up, and calm is restored, well as well as it could be. That is until a discussion about a charity ball in Liverpool turns sour and John tried to steal the limelight once again.

'I'm being undermined. I'm being outed and no-one helps me', cries John. Chris replied, 'Get a grip and listen. It's not about you, it's about Annette (the other commercial booker) stop crying.' He tells him it's not the end of the world, but clearly it is for John.

As Head of Men's Division Christophe says- life at the model agency is like a soap opera. It beats Eastenders anyday.

Heston's revolutionary idea transforms Navy life

 It was full speed ahead last night for Heston as he triumphed in coming up with alternative healthy meals for the navy’s sub-mariners aboard HMS Turbulent.

The three star Michelin chef refused to be beaten in his challenge to convince the men to swap their stodgy, obesity fuelled dishes for meals containing brain boosting ingredients such as fish, high in Omega 3, fruit, vegetables and dark chocolate. But with a shoestring budget of £2.34 a day per person, the same as in prison, limited storage space onboard and a duration of 90 days at sea, it was his most challenging task yet.

Heston’s first attempt at a new dish was trialled with the sub-mariners WAGS, but mackerel smoked with hay and blueberries didn’t tantalise their taste buds.

In desperation, the chef looked to the past for inspiration and found a copy of Nelson’s Navy Classics recipe book, from which he took dishes ‘Portable Soup’ and ‘Bugoo’, porridge, and added his own twist, orange juice, green tea and blueberries to the porridge and tuna, eel bones and seaweed to the soup. But even the look of the dishes were enough to put the men off. ‘It’s all about breaking habits of a lifetime’, said Heston. ‘Some guys have been eating this fatty food for 20 years.’ The submarine drops Heston back onto land.

In his next attempt, he tries to create a healthy fish supper for the men, most of whom look forward to fish and chip Friday’s onboard. However the price of fish is way over his budget. No problem as the fishmonger offers him fish heads and guts for free. ‘Tongue in Cheek’ scampi with quinoa and blueberries is born. And yes the men enjoy it, but the sub’s commander tells Heston there’s no way the fish can be kept for 90 days.

Then the chef has a lightbulb moment, and tries the French technique of vacuum packing cooked food that can be frozen and more importantly takes up less than half the space than the fresh ingredients did. He wins around the navy’s catering head of training, but his real test is to win around the men and their commander.

Using the vacuum packed ingredients he creates a chilli with tortillas and salsa. For pudding, a chocolate coated blueberry flavoured torpedo ice lolly, It’s thumbs up from the men and the commander, who is so impressed he contacts HQ about rolling out the method across the whole of the navy and maybe the army. Result.

Heston waves his magic wand once again.

Heston to the rescue- his creation- a seaweed shepherds pie

The words nice and plane food just don’t go together. I can’t recall enjoying a meal onboard a flight, whereas I could list the number of bad dishes served to me on a nine hour plus flight, as if that wasn’t torture enough.

But if anyone can improve plane food then Heston can, as he proved on last night’s Mission Impossible on CH4, oh if only there was taste-a-vision.

His first hurdle was to get head chef Steve from catering company Gateway on onboard, who cooks the food before it is dispatched onto an aeroplane where they heat the meals up. Perhaps not the best decision then to phase him out and suggest cooking meals from scratch on a plane?

However Heston’s ambitious salt soaked salmon and parsley crusted steak just didn’t cut it. A lack of space in the plane’s galley kitchen, no sharp instruments and primitive ovens with two temperatures, low and high, left business class passengers waiting an hour longer for their food.

Back to the drawing board. Heston then explored how the change in altitude and dry atmosphere affects taste buds. Steve wasn't convinced.

Round two- a bento box, a cold menu of smoked mackerel with lemon, green tea and lime gum, wine gums made from real wine, gazpacho and beetroot and orange jellies- designed to fool the sense with the orange flavoured one coloured purple and vice versa. His task to serve the meal, which comes with a nasal douche and introductory video, on a night flight with only 40 mins before lights out.

The passengers loved the food, despite delays, but the BA tasting panel weren't so sure, the nasal douche definitely wouldn’t work they say.

For his final attempt, Heston continues to try to win Steve round to his way of thinking and takes him to a research unit with an altitude room for a tasting session to prove food really does taste different at thousands of feet above ground level. Steve is given five tastes including salt and sweet. At altitude his taste is reduced by half, but two tastes remain the same savoury and emami.

A breakthrough? So Heston creates a shepherd’s pie using emami rich products, soy sauce, seaweed, Worcestershire sauce and horseradish. ‘It taste good on the ground’, says Steve, ‘but I’m worried it’s too many flavours.’ Passenger’s feedback prove him wrong. ‘It tastes like home-mad’, says one woman. ‘A tasty dish’, agree the BA panel.

At last a solution, but Heston says there is still a long way to go.

Next week the Michelin starred chef tackles the food served to the navy submarine crews.

Jamie's Dream School- The teachers fight back

Historian David Starky revealed his true colours on the first episode of Jamie’s Dream School last night (CH4 9PM).

The intellectual, who was accosted to teach an unruly bunch of kids history used insults to discipline the pupils, calling one boy fat after he failed to gain control of the class. The boy retaliated by referring to the historian’s height, or lack of.

Not  the best start for Jamie’s new project where professionals at the top of their field are invited to teach children who have no or few GCSE’s about their subject in a fun and engaging way.

In a normal world, Starky would have been fired, but Jamie and his acting head teacher said they were torn about what to do. So much for an improved school that encourages unruly children to go back to full-time education where the use of insults is promoted?

Fortunately the rest of the lessons went to plan, with Dr Robert Winston teaching science and scaring the teens with the corpse of a pig, Rolf Harris showing the kids how to paint in art, actor Simon Callow teaching them about Shakespeare for English and Dame Ellen McArthur taking a small group sailing, just a normal school day then?

Must see TV

Next Tuesday Heston continues his Mission Impossible onboard a British Airways flight. His aim to revolutionise airline food, but with no kitchen, no pans, sharp knives or naked flames, Heston soon realises that cooking gourmet food in a metal tube at 37,000 ft might be tricky. Can the Michelin star chef develop a menu that pleases all palates and get BA bosses to buy into his final plan?  CH4 @ 9pm.