The Only Way is Essex to rival Eastenders and Corrie?

 The rumours that the Only Way is Essex may become a weekly soap has got me all excited.

The cast of TOWIE collecting their BAFTA.

Bosses at ITV2 are reportedly considering upping the reality programme's status from a 12-episode series to a soap opera with a weekly slot, following news that TOWIE is one of the broadcasters' most watched shows. What a surprise?

Who could say no to more TOWIE relationship dramas between Lauren and Mark and Arg and Lydia, Nanny Pat's sausage plaits, along with seeing our fave Essex girls and boys-Amy, Sam, Lucy and the one and only Ream boy Joey. What with Kirk and Lauren's recent break-up, along with Sam giving Joey the push, and the cast's trip to Marbs, there would be plenty of material.

The Only Way is Essex-Mick ditches Gemma

Gemma was left in tears on last night's episode as Mick took a bottle of champagne over to Lauren’s sister, Nicola, rather than her. Hours earlier Mick had told son Kirk that he had bought the champagne for the lady he fancies, but wouldn’t tell him who it was. Kirk presumed he was talking about Gemma and even gave her his blessing, but did later say to his girlfriend Popey, when he saw Gemma crying, that his dad hadn’t led her on.

Gemma, who has made it very clear to the whole of Essex her feelings for Mick, had a quick cry and told friends Chloe and Maria she was over it. She said that she needed to toughen up as she wears her heart on her sleeve and always gets hurt. She also confessed that she would never speak to Mick again.

But will Gemma be able to get over Mick as quickly as she claims? After telling friends in the past that she wants to marry him and have his babies, and Mick is her dream man, Although it appears Chloe thinks Gemma has had a lucky escape, as she said earlier in the episode that she couldn’t understand why a 29-year-old would want to be with someone so much older?

The Only Way is Essex- Lauren proves she's no push over to Mark

Lauren shown who wears the trousers in her and Mark’s relationship as she turned up to Mark’s Phat pool party on last night’s episode, despite him telling her she couldn’t come.

Lauren made Mark’s party, which he threw to compete with Joey’s Ream party, memorable for all the wrong reasons  by throwing him into the pool in front of the whole party, after discovering him with a group of girls.

‘What you doing?’, said Mark to Lauren when she turned up to the party, following a phone call from her sister telling her to get to the party asap as it didn’t look like Mark was working. And it wasn’t only her who wondered why Lauren wasn’t at the party, as it became the main topic of conversation, even Mark’s mum Carole questioned why she wasn’t there and suggested to Mark that Lauren help him with his parties.

Lauren told Mark that she had been on her own all day, when Mark replied that he was working, but she said that he was making her look like a mug, and asked him if he was satisfied that he had kept her indoors? ‘Don’t you think I’m going to get bored?’, she said. Mark told her it was his business and asked her why she was shouting so everyone could her their argument. ‘What means more to you, your parties or me’, questioned Lauren. ‘You’, said Mark, ‘but what have I done wrong?’ Lauren replied that people don’t realise how shit it is, then pushed him into the pool and calling him a mug, before walking out of the party with a smug look on her face.

But what did Mark expect when he banned Lauren from attending any of his parties. Earlier in the day Mark warned Lauren not to come, but she said she didn’t see what the issue was?  He told her he has to go to the party and get work done, and said if he was a stockbroker she wouldn’t come to his office while he was on the phone. ‘Don’t come to my workplace’, he said. ‘Having my bird there scares girls off.’ Lauren replied that people would think it was odd she wasn’t there. Mark said people knew who she was and thought she was over it?

The Only Way is Essex- Mark plans his comeback

Mark told Arg he's planning a 'phat' pool party for his return to the night club scene now that Joey has got a bit too comfortable.

Mark said his pool party will be like the one he holds in Marbella, which Lauren isn't invited to, with loads of topless girls and champagne. 'There will be london and Essex girls at the party', he told Arg, who seemed concerned with taking his top off in front of anyone other than Mark.

Earlier in the episode, Mark told fiancee Lauren that he has to get back to the club scene as it's what he does best. 'Mark Wright is missed in Essex', he said. Lauren asked what she will get out of it? Mark replied cars and watches. 'I'd rather live in a shed' (than Mark go back to club promoting) she said. But she confessed she knew he would do what he wants regardless of how she feels.

Her sister echoed her concerns, telling Lauren she was worried their relationship, her and Mark, would go back to how it used to be. Lauren reassured her she trusted Mark 100 per cent now and that it was him who wanted commitment. Her sister said she hoped she was right.

The Only Way is Essex- Arg hearts Amy??

Sam told Amy last night that she thinks Arg fancies her? Amy reacted  by saying she didn’t feel the same and when she gave him an inch loss treatment at her salon earlier in the day she couldn’t even find his willy. Whereas Arg seemed more interested in looking at Amy’s breast while she wrapped him in cling film.

Even Lydia told her mum Debbie before the Ream party that she suspects Amy has a soft spot for James. Debbie said she thought she liked him as a friend. Lydia said that she hoped so as she isn’t completely over him yet. ‘I don’t think James is her type’, replied Debbie.

Meanwhile, Kirk proved his love for Lauren, Popey, by asking her to move in with him. The Sugar Hut manager took Lauren on a rowing boat on the river where he directed a remote control boat to her containing a jewellery box with a key. She seemed relieved it wasn’t an engagement ring, and agreed to move in with him. Although Maria didn’t seem too pleased and warned her not to get trapped. She told her she thought it was sad her and Kirk aren’t friends. Lauren replied there will become a point when you become friends, but it will take time. However, Kirk appeared to have other ideas as he reminded Lauren that Maria would not be welcome in his home. ‘Our home’, reminded Lauren.

Also on last night’s episode, Gemma continued with her attempt to woo Mick, which failed miserably. The BMW sales woman baked the club owner an apple pie, which she left outside his home with a note. The note said to enjoy the apple pie, but she forgot one crucial thing to say who it was from. Mick guessed wrongly that it was Chloe and thanked her for her efforts, but Chloe told him straight it wasn’t from her and warned him not to eat food left outside his home as he doesn’t know what’s in it. Mick replied that he enjoyed it and is ok.Gemma overheard their conversation and set the record straight, telling Mick she had baked the pie as she wanted to look after him and let him know how she feels about him without snogging his face off. ‘Did you enjoy it’ she said. Mick nodded and said thank you, probably not the response Gemma was looking for?

The Only Way is Essex- Mark gets ‘well jeal’ of Joey

 Joey proved he really is the new Mark Wright in business with the success of his first Ream Party at the Sugar Hut on last night’s episode.

Mr Essex even chose Mark’s sister Jess to be the face of the parties, what a way to rub Mark up the wrong way.

Sitting at a table in the club, Arg asked Mark if he missed it (club promoting). ‘What do you think’, replied Mark. Arg told him Joey was stealing his job and warned he might not be able to catch up with him, saying that Mark had gone into early retirement. Mark replied that he might have had six weeks with a ring on his finger, but it doesn’t mean anyone has seen the last of him.

Lauren echoed Arg’s thoughts, telling club owner Mick that Joey is competition for her fiancée, while Sam’s sister Billie said to Mark, ‘That used to be you didn’t it?’ Mark made some comment that Joey is taking his job and stealing his exes, but reminded Billie that it is only Joey’s first night.

However, a worried Mark left the Sugar Hut early with Lauren and told her they would be seeing him very soon and he’s back on the scene.

The Only Way is Essex- Kirk's fairground birthday party

Normal 23-year-olds would go out to a couple of bars and maybe a club on their birthday, but this is Essex and the bigger the better for Kirk, who decided on hosting a fairground/circus themed party at his home, complete with rides, fairground games and fortune telling, courtesy of Gemma, who offered up her talent for the good of the party.

Although Gemma wasn't too happy when she learnt that Kirk's dad Mick, had invited Chloe to the party with him, exactly what Chloe was concerned about when Mick popped to her house and asked her to come to his son's party. Chloe had told Joey, who she was teaching how to cook spaghetti bolognese for Sam, that she felt awkward going with Mick as he is Gemma's dream man. But Joey reminded her that Mick hadn't said it was a date.

However, Gemma managed to get her own back when Chloe asked for her cards to be read.
'There's no immediate romance, but interest around you', she told Chloe, who asked if she was talking about Mick?
'You'll have fun with Mich, but there's no longevity to it', said Gemma.

Afterwards Chloe sat down with Mick, who said he had enjoyed getting to know her more. He told her that when he found out she was a mum it gave him another perspective on her and it's something else they have in common. Chloe said that being a young mum had changed her as she used to be a rascal as a kid.

The party ended on a high note (?), with Mark streaking across the garden. His antics were part of a bet he lost to Arg and Amy, who they had played doubles tennis with during the day. Arg and Amy, who is the under fourteen's table tennis champion, only beat Mark and Lauren by one point when the tennis ball got lodged into Lauren's racket. The pair said it was unfair, but Mark told Lauren he couldn't pass up on a bet. Lauren said he was an embarrassment, but it cheered James right up.

The Only Way is Essex- Arg and Lydia's big fight

Unlike Joey, James wasn't having much luck with the ladies on last night's show. One lady in particular, Lydia, who arranged to meet up with James to confront him about the rumour he had cheated on her. An idea planted in her head by friends Lucy, Sam and her sister Billie, which they claimed was a rumour making it's way around Essex.

But poor Arg he didn't stand a chance as Lydia lay into him. 'Who told you that I cheated on you', he said. Lydia replied, 'It doesn't matter.' James said it did and told her he had tried his best and been a good boyfriend.
'Tell me straight if you cheated on me', said Lydia. 'I don't know what you want from me?', replied James. Lydia said that she wanted closure. 'I hate you, you've fucked with my head', she said. 'You're not giving me a chance', replied James. Lydia told him that he's had too many and said he didn't deserve anymore of her time.

Arg went to vent his frustrations out on Mark and Lauren. Telling them that the rumours are bullshit and the only hope he has of him and Lydia getting back together is that she still loves him otherwise she wouldn't have bothered to confront him. But Mark told him to stop moping and to turn things around, 'Fuck it' (the relationship) he said.

Lauren also had a heated discussion with Mark's mum Carole, who she decided to speak to to resolve their issues.
Carole told Lauren that it's hard for her to congratulate them. And that she doesn't really know her, even after ten years. 'Ten years of hell', she said. 'You're expecting too much all of a sudden', she said.

The Only Way is Essex- Joey's date with Sam is literally the Pitts.

Joey took Sam out on a date to the dump on last night’s episode. The blonde store owner was treated to an adventure, Joey style to learn about his life. Mr Essex arrived at Sam’s house announcing they were going on a bike ride. A surprise choice for a guy whose pride and joy is his hair. Obviously no-one told him bike helmets and good hair don’t mix. Sam, who had spent hours getting ready, wasn’t impressed, particularly after he suggested she swap her heels for trainers.

Earlier while getting ready, Sam had told sister Billie her ideal date would be a trip to the theatre in a chauffeur driven car. Joey clearly had other ideas and took her on a points of interest tour, where they visited the local dump. And they say romance is dead? He said that he wanted to share the dump with her as he spent lots of time there as a child collecting materials to make tree-houses.

‘You didn’t do that?’, he said sounding surprised? Sam replied, ‘I went on adventures but not to the tip!’

For the second part of their date, Joey lead Sam to the woods for a picnic of squashed home-made ham and cheese sandwiches, salt and vinegar crisps and Thomas the Tank Engine strawberry yoghurt's, despite Chloe’s warning to stay away from a Thomas the Tank Engine theme. Fortunately he served champagne rather than orange squash.

When he asked her if she was enjoying the date, Sam said, ‘It’s different. I liked the effort you put into the picnic but not the tip.’

‘Am I a better kisser than Mark’, he asked? Sam admitted he was as his kiss had meaning.

While Joey and Sam were out on their date, the other girls- Amy, Maria, Chloe, Jess and Popey, got together for a botox party, the ultimate Essex must-have. But the conversation got heated as Lauren ridiculed Mark’s plans to open a model agency. Jess, who gave her new boobs their first proper outing, defended her brother and told Lauren they should have their own careers, particularly after they get married as they will need the money.

The Only Way is Essex- Joey hooks up with Sam

By some miracle, Joey got lucky with Sam on last  night’s episode. Perhaps it was his beach Ken fancy dress costume, his blow-dried hair or the fact he chose Sam over Lucy, despite her finally agreeing to a date, ‘You’ve missed the boat’, Joey told her. Seems like he’s got his wish of wanting to be like Mark Wright, now that he’s dating Sam, one of Mark’s exes.

While they frolicked in the pool at Harry’s 17^th fancy dress birthday party, Harry, who was dressed as Lady Gaga, Arg, as Fred Flintstone, and Lydia, as Elle from Legally Blonde, were having a more serious conversation about whether they can make their relationship work. James promised to Lyd he would go back to the ‘old Arg’, after becoming cocky and more confident. Something Lydia had commented on earlier to Lauren, claiming him and Mark had swapped roles. James told Lydia that she looked like a princess and he wanted to treat her like one.But Lydia didn’t seem so sure, and warned him this would be his last chance. Is this the end of the Mark and Arg partnership?

There was even more drama at the party, as Kirk and Lauren’s (Popey) mate Maria came head to head. The pair, who have made their feelings very clear about each other, had a slanging match, with Kirk swearing at Maria and telling her the only reason she hates him is because he didn’t give her free drinks at his club. Maria told Kirk that was rubbish and just an excuse for him to name drop the club. ‘You’re too good for Lauren’ she said, now that it looks like Kirk and Lauren may be getting back together.

Afterwards Maria came crying to Lauren. When Lauren asked how they could fix the problem, Maria replied, ‘We don’t. We just wait till he messes up again.’

So much for Harry’s no arguments at his party rule. But the 17-year-old did try and reclaim the limelight for himself by performing a Lady Gaga dance routine to Telephone, which to say the least was slightly cring-worthy. Teenage boy in a blonde wig and very tight fitting leotard, you get the picture?

The better outfits of the night included Nanny Pat’s the Queen, Amy’s Jessica Rabbit, Lucy’s Betty Boop and Mark and Lauren as Danny and Sandy from Grease.

The Only Way is Essex- Kirk and Arg in the doghouse

Kirk was caught red-handed last night as he walked straight into the path of his ex- Lauren ‘Popey’, hand in hand with his new date Lucy.

Kirk tried to make amends with Lauren, who told him she would only talk with him if he sent Lucy home. He needn’t have worried as Lucy walked out of the restaurant as soon as Lauren’s friend Maria shouted to her across the room that she is the village bike.

Kirk told Lauren he’d fucked up, missed her and never felt like this before with a girl. ‘If that was the case you wouldn’t have taken Lucy on a date’, she replied. ‘Why did you choose someone I know?’ Kirk apologised. ‘You’re not the same person, you’ve changed from person I used to know’, she said. ‘You think I want you after this?’

Perhaps Kirk should stick to taking out his new motor, courtesy of daddy, rather than any girls?

And it wasn’t only Kirk who was having girl troubles on last night’s Only Way is Essex. Arg received a mouthful from girlfriend Lydia, after he told her he bought a derelict town house for them to live in. Lucy said she couldn’t understand why he would want to live with her as he sees more of Mark, ignores her phone calls, doesn’t take her out anymore and lies about seeing other girls.

 ‘I’m sorry’, he said. ‘You always say that and nothing changes’ she replied. ‘They will this time’, he assured her. Famous last words James?

But it was Nanny Pat who stole the show and put everyone to shame, as she showed Mark old photos of her £50 wedding to his grandfather, which she went ahead with despite her father’s disapproval. She said how things were different then as people got married for love, not for a big flashy party. Her glam honeymoon? A caravan holiday to the Isle of Sheppey, that’s what I call working to a budget.

The Only Way is Essex- Mark and Lauren get engaged

Lauren must need her head testing having agreed to marry Mark.The player, who claimed on last night's episode he's ready to commit to one girl, proposed to Lauren in the garden of an Essex bar. Just minutes before, Lauren had told her sister there was no way she would get back with Mark, and having had her Mark tattoo removed proved it?

Lauren's sister, not one of Mark's fans, was baffled by the news, his best mate James 'Arg' laughed and Mark's mum, sister Jess and Nanny Pat thought he was joking when he announced the engagement. 'Just make sure you give me enough time to but a hat', said Nanny Pat.

Celebratory drinks also didn't go as planned, as Mark and Lauren decided to sit with his ex's, Sam and Lucy, who were left reeling at the news, not a wise idea, you could cut the atmosphere with a knife. Things got worse when Lauren went to the bar and Lucy joined her to tell her two weeks ago her and Mark slept together. Lauren brushed off the accusation. But then confronted Mark, who told her it was more than a couple of weeks afo and he and Lauren weren't speaking at the time, like that makes it ok 'You enjoy fucking with girls' heads, that's what is sick about you', said Lucy.

Old dog new tricks then?