The Only Way is Essex- Arg hearts Amy??

Sam told Amy last night that she thinks Arg fancies her? Amy reacted  by saying she didn’t feel the same and when she gave him an inch loss treatment at her salon earlier in the day she couldn’t even find his willy. Whereas Arg seemed more interested in looking at Amy’s breast while she wrapped him in cling film.

Even Lydia told her mum Debbie before the Ream party that she suspects Amy has a soft spot for James. Debbie said she thought she liked him as a friend. Lydia said that she hoped so as she isn’t completely over him yet. ‘I don’t think James is her type’, replied Debbie.

Meanwhile, Kirk proved his love for Lauren, Popey, by asking her to move in with him. The Sugar Hut manager took Lauren on a rowing boat on the river where he directed a remote control boat to her containing a jewellery box with a key. She seemed relieved it wasn’t an engagement ring, and agreed to move in with him. Although Maria didn’t seem too pleased and warned her not to get trapped. She told her she thought it was sad her and Kirk aren’t friends. Lauren replied there will become a point when you become friends, but it will take time. However, Kirk appeared to have other ideas as he reminded Lauren that Maria would not be welcome in his home. ‘Our home’, reminded Lauren.

Also on last night’s episode, Gemma continued with her attempt to woo Mick, which failed miserably. The BMW sales woman baked the club owner an apple pie, which she left outside his home with a note. The note said to enjoy the apple pie, but she forgot one crucial thing to say who it was from. Mick guessed wrongly that it was Chloe and thanked her for her efforts, but Chloe told him straight it wasn’t from her and warned him not to eat food left outside his home as he doesn’t know what’s in it. Mick replied that he enjoyed it and is ok.Gemma overheard their conversation and set the record straight, telling Mick she had baked the pie as she wanted to look after him and let him know how she feels about him without snogging his face off. ‘Did you enjoy it’ she said. Mick nodded and said thank you, probably not the response Gemma was looking for?

The Only Way is Essex- Mark gets ‘well jeal’ of Joey

 Joey proved he really is the new Mark Wright in business with the success of his first Ream Party at the Sugar Hut on last night’s episode.

Mr Essex even chose Mark’s sister Jess to be the face of the parties, what a way to rub Mark up the wrong way.

Sitting at a table in the club, Arg asked Mark if he missed it (club promoting). ‘What do you think’, replied Mark. Arg told him Joey was stealing his job and warned he might not be able to catch up with him, saying that Mark had gone into early retirement. Mark replied that he might have had six weeks with a ring on his finger, but it doesn’t mean anyone has seen the last of him.

Lauren echoed Arg’s thoughts, telling club owner Mick that Joey is competition for her fiancée, while Sam’s sister Billie said to Mark, ‘That used to be you didn’t it?’ Mark made some comment that Joey is taking his job and stealing his exes, but reminded Billie that it is only Joey’s first night.

However, a worried Mark left the Sugar Hut early with Lauren and told her they would be seeing him very soon and he’s back on the scene.

Thursday night TV at its best- My Big Fat Royal Gypsy Wedding

While everyone's gone mad for the Royal wedding, CH4 are airing an alternative tomorrow night, the marriage of Irish travellers Mary and Paddy.

The 23-year-olds, who have been together for three years, hope that their wedding will rival Kate and Wills' in the glamour stakes, but organising a wedding in three weeks its inevitable there will be tears and tantrums.

Mary commissions the famous Thelma and her team to make her dream dress complete with 40,000 crystals, the most Thelma has ever used, and an 18ft train. They work around the clock to get the dress finished and please the bride. But its the wedding cake that doesn't go quite to plan, as the cake makers struggle to find enough tables to hold the masterpiece.

On top of that, the bride arrives an hour late to the church, accompanied by her maid of honour, young sister Margaret, five other bridesmaids and two mini brides, who wear sugar pink. Bet that isn't Kate Middleton's colour choice?

The couple, who actually married a fortnight ago, are now enjoying their honeymoon.

The Hangover part two

I'm super excited about the arrival of the Hangover 2 to the silver screen next month. I laughed out loud to the first movie, which I still count in my top five comedy films, and was one of the many reasons I decided to visit Vegas last year, so I just hope that this next installment can live up to it predecessor. And If the trailer is anything to go by I'll doubt cinema fans will be disappointed.

Here's what happens....the action this time takes place in Thailand and the characters wake up having no recollection of the night before, but several tell-tale signs signal it wasn't the sensible night they had planned, sound familiar?? Loveable and cuddly Alan, who ended up with a baby in the last film, wakes up with his long curly mane completely shaved off, while newlywed Stu ends up with a tribal tattoo on his face, doubt that will go down well with the missus? Phil seems relatively unharmed until he realises they've lost Stu's wife's younger brother, think these guys need some kind of tracker system in place? And unlike the tiger in the first movie, they are woken by a little monkey, who quickly takes centre stage.

The Only Way is Essex- Kirk's fairground birthday party

Normal 23-year-olds would go out to a couple of bars and maybe a club on their birthday, but this is Essex and the bigger the better for Kirk, who decided on hosting a fairground/circus themed party at his home, complete with rides, fairground games and fortune telling, courtesy of Gemma, who offered up her talent for the good of the party.

Although Gemma wasn't too happy when she learnt that Kirk's dad Mick, had invited Chloe to the party with him, exactly what Chloe was concerned about when Mick popped to her house and asked her to come to his son's party. Chloe had told Joey, who she was teaching how to cook spaghetti bolognese for Sam, that she felt awkward going with Mick as he is Gemma's dream man. But Joey reminded her that Mick hadn't said it was a date.

However, Gemma managed to get her own back when Chloe asked for her cards to be read.
'There's no immediate romance, but interest around you', she told Chloe, who asked if she was talking about Mick?
'You'll have fun with Mich, but there's no longevity to it', said Gemma.

Afterwards Chloe sat down with Mick, who said he had enjoyed getting to know her more. He told her that when he found out she was a mum it gave him another perspective on her and it's something else they have in common. Chloe said that being a young mum had changed her as she used to be a rascal as a kid.

The party ended on a high note (?), with Mark streaking across the garden. His antics were part of a bet he lost to Arg and Amy, who they had played doubles tennis with during the day. Arg and Amy, who is the under fourteen's table tennis champion, only beat Mark and Lauren by one point when the tennis ball got lodged into Lauren's racket. The pair said it was unfair, but Mark told Lauren he couldn't pass up on a bet. Lauren said he was an embarrassment, but it cheered James right up.

The Only Way is Essex- James tries to fix his broken relationship with Lydia

Arg told Lydia's mum Debbie, aka the mother-in-law from hell, that he would get things sorted after they bumped into each other on last night's episode, and she informed him that her daughter is in pieces over his alleged cheating.

Debbie claimed that Lydia cries all the time, won't eat and doesn't want to step outside of the house. When she asked James if there is any truth to he rumours he quickly said no. But Debbie said then she couldn't understand why people close to him have started the rumours? James claimed it's because of his bubbly personality, but Debbie didn't seem convinced.

'We- me, you and Lydia, have to get to the bottom of this', she said. 'I'll get it sorted', replied James. 'You do that', said Debbie.

Although, in an earlier conversation Lydia had with Lucy, she made it clear that she thought James is lying. She told Lucy how she had made a mistake and slept with 'Arg' after getting drunk. 'I'm soooo embarrassed', she admitted. Lucy asked her how she felt about the situation. 'Confused, hurt and embarrassed', she said. Lucy told her she would have to decide what her feelings are for James before doing anything like that again, and said she thought that Lydia didn't want to be with him right now. Lydia agreed.

And it seems like Lydia's dream might come true, after Gemma read her tarot cards at Kirk's birthday party and told her she will meet a new man very soon. She also said that Lydia would find something out that would piss her off. Lydia told Gemma that she felt finding a new man would be the perfect way to get over James, a guy that wows her and makes her see how bad it was with Arg.

At the same time, James confronted Sam and Billie over the rumours they have been spreading that he has cheated on Lydia, despite Mark warning him before not to as girls all stick together and not to trust anyone.

Arg told Billie and Sam that he had worked it out who told Lydia that he had cheated as they had been 'off-ish', with him and he had put two and two together. But he thought they were closer to him than Lydia?

Sam said they were but had to say something as Lydia was upset. James admitted to them he had done things wrong but never actually done anything with other girls.

'We're not being shit stirrers but we hear rumours', said Billie. Arg challenged them to name an incident. Billie told him she had heard he had oral sex in a club?  James laughed and said that's not the type of thing he would do.

'There's no smoke without fire', said Billie. 'You need to be truthful, but you're not going to be are you?'

Michelle Collins and John Michie to join Coronation Street

Actors Michelle Collins, who played Cindy in Eastenders, and John Michie, who found fame in TV series Taggart, are to join the cast of Corrie as the new Rovers landlady Stella and her husband Karl. The pair will step onto the cobbles next month to begin recording scenes that will air in June.

Stella is brought into the Rovers by owner Steve McDonald after a series of bust-ups with his wife Becky leave the pub's future in jeopardy. Their marriage, of course, hasn't been the smoothest, what with Becky's colourful past, buying her nephew, attempting to flee the country with two children, and then Steve's dad robbing a bank at gunpoint. It's enough to make anyone want to give up on life.

Steve hopes that employing Stella as his new bar manager he will get an easy life, but gets more than he bargains for when she moves in her husband Karl and her gorgeous but feisty daughter Eva, who's yet to be cast. However, the locals love Stella's warm and no nonsense personality, but is she too good to be true as it is revealed she is hiding a dark secret.

News of Stella's past will have shocking consequences for some of the street's most loved residents, as well as have an effect on Stella and Karl's relationship.

The Only Way is Essex- Arg and Lydia's big fight

Unlike Joey, James wasn't having much luck with the ladies on last night's show. One lady in particular, Lydia, who arranged to meet up with James to confront him about the rumour he had cheated on her. An idea planted in her head by friends Lucy, Sam and her sister Billie, which they claimed was a rumour making it's way around Essex.

But poor Arg he didn't stand a chance as Lydia lay into him. 'Who told you that I cheated on you', he said. Lydia replied, 'It doesn't matter.' James said it did and told her he had tried his best and been a good boyfriend.
'Tell me straight if you cheated on me', said Lydia. 'I don't know what you want from me?', replied James. Lydia said that she wanted closure. 'I hate you, you've fucked with my head', she said. 'You're not giving me a chance', replied James. Lydia told him that he's had too many and said he didn't deserve anymore of her time.

Arg went to vent his frustrations out on Mark and Lauren. Telling them that the rumours are bullshit and the only hope he has of him and Lydia getting back together is that she still loves him otherwise she wouldn't have bothered to confront him. But Mark told him to stop moping and to turn things around, 'Fuck it' (the relationship) he said.

Lauren also had a heated discussion with Mark's mum Carole, who she decided to speak to to resolve their issues.
Carole told Lauren that it's hard for her to congratulate them. And that she doesn't really know her, even after ten years. 'Ten years of hell', she said. 'You're expecting too much all of a sudden', she said.

The Only Way is Essex- Sam and Joey's second date

Sam took Joey on an 'adventure' of her own on last night's episode.The blonde shop owner called Joey, who answered his phone 'Yo, Yo it's Joe', to ask if he wanted to go glamping for their second date. 'What's that', he said. 'It's camping but glamorous like us', she said. 'We sharing the same tent?', he said. 'Yes'. 'The same sleeping bag?' 'If you're lucky', said Sam.

Joey made sure he packed all of his camping essentials, a hairdryer, portable fridge and a boomerang?
He picked Sam up in his tiny white Fiat, wearing orange Ugg boots and skin tight jeans, which Sam said looked liked leggings.

But Joey got a surprise when they went to collect Amy, Harry and Gemma to go glamping with them. 'He's well Jeal', said Sam. 'As long as Sam and I have one tent', he said.

The group set up camp in an open spot in the woods full of stinging nettles, but came into problems when they realised there were no toilets, a shower block, and more importantly electricity. 'Where will I plug in my hairdryer and fridge?', said Joey after claiming he could hear monkeys in the distance. 'Plug them into a tree', joked Harry.

The Mark Wright wannabee tried to redeem himself by volunteering to make a toilet for the girls and Harry. While Sam, Amy, who was dressed in a blue cocktail dress, and Gemma put up their marquee, the boys struggled to dig a 2cm hole with sticks,and gave up after Harry got a splinter.

When they returned to camp, Sam made Joey put up all of the pop-up tents and make a 'BBQ'. Around the fire the group talked about their fears. Gemma said hers is never getting married and wished Mick, Kirk's dad, would walk out of the woods and impregnant her. 'How do you spell impregnant', said Amy? Joey said he uses the sentence 'Big Elephants Can't Always Use Same Exits' to help him.
'I think you're a bit dyslexic', says Sam. 'I was as a kid but not now', he says. 'Anyway alot of clever people have it like Einstein.'

Joey then took Sam for a walk into the woods where he asked her if she would be her girlfriend. 'On one condition', she said. 'As long as you never wear those orange boots again.' He agreed.

Joey's luck was also up earlier in the week as he met Kirk and his dad to discuss about working with them and doing club nights. He boasted how well he has done with clubs in London and suggested they hold 'Ream' parties and he be the face of one of their nights. Amazingly Kirk and Mick seemed to like the idea.

More to follow....

Peter Andre The Next Chapter Spoiler

The first episode in the new series, which airs on ITV2 this month, sees Peter on the road for his brand new arena tour.

Following a week of rehearsals, the tour starts with a warm up show in Minehead, which Pete is really excited about. However things take a turn for the worse when he’s rushed to hospital in agony with kidney stones. Thankfully, Pete responds well to emergency surgery and manages to do the show, but reluctantly follows the doctor’s orders and tones down his dance routines.

The tour kicks off properly in Birmingham. By this time Pete is feeling much better and puts his full energy into the gig, which impresses his family and friends.

In the Manchester leg of his tour, Peter is joined by two VIPS- Junior and Princess. However Junior is more taken with one of the tour dancers Christina then his dad's moves.

Then on to the 02 in London, which Peter is terrified by, but the crowd go wild and he is completely blown away. Peter’s then girlfriend Elen Rivas is also watching the show and tells him how much she enjoyed it. He explains that the couple are taking things slowly.

Next we follow Peter as he attends the London premiere of Harrison Ford’s new movie, ‘Morning Glory’. Although the next morning he is woken to bad news that there has been major flooding in Queensland. He calls his father, who lives in Oz with the family, to see if they are ok and learns that the Gold Coast hasn’t been affected.

On the weekend, Peter invites celebrity chef Gino D’Acampo and his family round for lunch. Gino shows him and the kids how to prepare the perfect antipasti and fresh pasta. Peter finds that the pair have a lot in common and decides to make a conscious effort to build on their friendship.

Review: Red Riding Hood-not worth the ticket price

The tale of Little Red Riding Hood is turned upside down by director Catherine Hardwicke in this film that is based on a glorified love triangle.

Similar to the original story, the wolf, who has now earnt the title of warewolf, does kill grandma but under very different circumstances, and to be honest grandma, who is not so sweet and innocent as the original, deserves it for harbouring a big secret.

But rather than this be the main focus of the narrative, for a large part of the film it is Red Riding Hood’s (Amanda Seyfried) struggle whether to defy her family and run away with childhood sweetheart Peter, or stay engaged to Henry, the man her mother has arranged for her to marry.

Although there’s so much to-ing and fro-ing that in the end you don’t really care who Veronica, Red Riding Hood, chooses as neither of them seem very special anyway. Whereas the opinion is that she should marry Henry for his money, you’re left wondering why being wealthy is important when they live in a small medieval village, build their own houses, fetch water from the stream and I’m guessing, eat off the land?

This confusion and ability to not really provide much explanation continues throughout the movie. Events happen and then the excitement, if you can call that, passes, leaving you desperately wanting something big to happen. Only this comes at the end when you have no empathy for the characters, and to be honest are secretly hoping the wolf goes on a mass killing spree and takes over the village.

 The narrative also creates its own problems, suddenly introducing another character or obstacle that doesn’t even add anything, only perhaps to add to the suspect list of who the wolf might be, and to create confusion, and in my opinion, a large flaw to the plot, which involves the idea that those who are bitten by the wolf on a blood moon turn into the beast, whereas the wolf’s bloodline is not affected, go figure?

The best bit of the film, having some decent eye candy in the way of Peter, played by Shiloh Fernandez and Max Irons.

The Only Way is Essex- Mark proves his love for Lauren

Mark got in touch with his feminine side last night as he tearily spoke of his love for Lauren in front of all his family and friends.

The purpose of his speech at their engagement party, he said, was to prove to everyone that he’s serious about Lauren and to get their support.

However, moments earlier Mark had told Sam she will always be special to him, and he still has feelings for her. ‘It’s hard for me to say for you to let me go’, he said. ‘But I’m moving on now. You’re more special than any of the other girls I’ve seen. But I don’t want to tell you to wait for me in case Lauren and I break up, as I know you won’t do that anyway.’

To make matters worse, Mark had also met with Sam in the day for what he called a ‘business meeting’. Mark asked his ex whether she would be interested in working for him and heading up the glamour side of his model agency. Sam seemed surprised by his proposal and asked if he’d discussed it with Lauren. ‘She’ll have to get over it and trust me’, he replied. Sam said she would think about it.

Of course, the idea went down like a lead balloon with Lauren, who heard the news that Mark and Sam had met for lunch from Amy’s assistant Paloma while she was having her nails done. Lauren confronted Mark over the phone, and told him he had been dishonest. ‘You don’t go and meet a girl’, she said. ‘That’s how gossip starts.’ Mark explained he had asked Sam as she has glamour modelling experience. But then quickly reversed on his decision. ‘Did you invite her to our engagement party’, she said. Mark confessed he had suggested she come. Lauren replied, ‘I don’t know if I am coming yet. I can’t be bothered.’

It’s no wonder then that Mark’s family still don’t believe the wedding will happen. ‘I’ll believe it when I see them walk down the aisle’, Jess told her mum, family friend and Nanny Pat.

At least Mark can always rely on best mate Arg, who he enjoyed a pamper session with, and arrived at the party with on separate white horses. ‘I didn’t realise it was a gay wedding’, said Harry.

Review: Scream 4- I'm not screaming!

Fifteen years ago I was cowering behind a cushion watching as a ghost face killer sliced and diced Drew Barrymoore's character Casey, who was found by her parents hanging from a tree, truly gruesome. Back then Scream 1 was considered  groundbreaking, a movie that terrified a nation of cinema-goers and kick started the trend for the teen horror genre. So I guess you could say that expectations ran high for the forth film. I was even prepared to forgive director Wes Craven for the abmissal Scream 3, a movie within a movie, please. That is until I sat through 111 minutes of footage that was more like a comedy than a horror, with the same old, tried and tested formula, big busted 'helpless' girls screaming and running up the stairs to get away from the ghostface killer, common sense never prevails.

The methods of killings and the scenarios were also unoriginal, a knife through the door, reminiscent of Scream 2, and being followed in an underground car park (Scream 1), so much for a new format and different rules.

Not only this, but the acting was poor, the spark between David Arquette and Courtney Cox gone- chemistry that helped make the first film, the identity of one of the killers was obvious and the ending was drawn out and predictable.

There wasn't one moment that I could say I was frightened by or even jumped at. No surprise considering the fourth film is only a certificate 15, whereas Scream 1,2 and 3 were an 18. Perhaps another problem is that ghost face is no longer scary now that a new generation of horror/thriller flicks such as Saw have raised the bar.

In my opinion Scream 4 was created as a cheap money maker that is in danger of ruining the brand and with it Wes Craven's reputation.

The Only Way is Essex- Joey's date with Sam is literally the Pitts.

Joey took Sam out on a date to the dump on last night’s episode. The blonde store owner was treated to an adventure, Joey style to learn about his life. Mr Essex arrived at Sam’s house announcing they were going on a bike ride. A surprise choice for a guy whose pride and joy is his hair. Obviously no-one told him bike helmets and good hair don’t mix. Sam, who had spent hours getting ready, wasn’t impressed, particularly after he suggested she swap her heels for trainers.

Earlier while getting ready, Sam had told sister Billie her ideal date would be a trip to the theatre in a chauffeur driven car. Joey clearly had other ideas and took her on a points of interest tour, where they visited the local dump. And they say romance is dead? He said that he wanted to share the dump with her as he spent lots of time there as a child collecting materials to make tree-houses.

‘You didn’t do that?’, he said sounding surprised? Sam replied, ‘I went on adventures but not to the tip!’

For the second part of their date, Joey lead Sam to the woods for a picnic of squashed home-made ham and cheese sandwiches, salt and vinegar crisps and Thomas the Tank Engine strawberry yoghurt's, despite Chloe’s warning to stay away from a Thomas the Tank Engine theme. Fortunately he served champagne rather than orange squash.

When he asked her if she was enjoying the date, Sam said, ‘It’s different. I liked the effort you put into the picnic but not the tip.’

‘Am I a better kisser than Mark’, he asked? Sam admitted he was as his kiss had meaning.

While Joey and Sam were out on their date, the other girls- Amy, Maria, Chloe, Jess and Popey, got together for a botox party, the ultimate Essex must-have. But the conversation got heated as Lauren ridiculed Mark’s plans to open a model agency. Jess, who gave her new boobs their first proper outing, defended her brother and told Lauren they should have their own careers, particularly after they get married as they will need the money.

Coming soon on Kerry Katona- The Next Chapter

Next Wednesday's (20 April) episode emotions run high as Kerry and ice skating partner Dan prepare for their first stint on Dancing on Ice. Kerry also appears on This Morning for the first time since her notorious interview in 2008, when she was accused of being on drugs.

Kerry makes a hard decision next week to let her children watch her 90 minute documentary entitled 'Coming Clean' where she talks about her old life of drug taking and depression, after the footage becomes the talk of the playground at her daughters' school.

The former Queen of the Jungle revisits her past when Brian left her and the time she spent in The Priory in rehab in Arizona when she became drug free, but on returning home to Warrington she hit the drugs again with her mother before being introduced to Mark. However, she decides to put the past behind her and concentrate on celebrating Christmas as a singleton with her four children

Bodyshocks- The World's Shortest Man

Imagine being a 24-year-old but treated like a one-year-old, that’s life for Edward Hernandez from Colombia, one of the smallest men in the world at only 27 inches.

My heart really went out to Edward on last night's Bodyshocks (CH4), who is treated like a toddler by his parents, who feed, bathe and carry him like a baby, because of his height and limited capabilities, whereas he is the eldest of his siblings. Edward explained that he can’t even go out on his own as strangers ask him silly questions and pick him up. Which is what exactly happened when him and his brother went to a football match, with the team’s lion mascot carrying him around the pitch.

Edward, whose stunted growth doctors now believe was caused by a thyroid condition as a child, exclaimed that all he really wants is to lead a normal life, go to work, own a jeep, get married and live in the countryside, where he was born, away from prying eyes. As well as set up a charity for deprived children in the area.

He hopes his new title of the world’s shortest man will make his dreams come true, despite his earnings going straight back into the bank of mum and dad. However people take advantage of his celeb status, with one woman, the owner of a clinic, offering him for free a cataract operation he desperately needs, in return for endorsement of a charity she is launching to help children with poor sight. But instead of discussing the finer details with Edward, she speaks to his mum. Edward says he doesn’t mind being treated like an adult and a child as he gets lots of attention and taken places. One trip he goes on is to the town where he grew up for a public appearance and to see his family, who he hasn’t spoken with for five years, and who are the only people that treat him as an adult.

 

Unfortunately, Edward’s celebrity status and way out of poverty doesn’t last long, as the title of shortest man is stolen from him after just six weeks. He drowns his sorrows with his first alcoholic drink. On the bright side, he’s a cheap date.

The Only Way is Essex- Arg seeks relationship advice from player Mark- what a mistake.

 James tried to win back Lydia last night after she told him their relationship is over for good.

Arg turned up at her house with a bunch of flowers, only to be turned away by Lyd’s mother Debbie, who told him ‘Lydia doesn’t want to see you. You’re too late.’ ‘It’s never too late if you love someone’, replied James, bless him. So he waited outside the family home for Lydia to return only to suffer another knock back when she told she’s already made her decision and he needs to go away and do some maturing. ‘I can’t be with someone like you anymore’, she said. ‘I’ll prove you wrong’, replied James.

In desperation, he even turned to Mark for relationship advice, who, earlier in the day visited his ex Sam to question her about her kiss with Joey in the pool at Harry’s party. ‘Why, are you jealous’, she said. ‘No, it was like a porn film’, he claimed and asked her for an explanation. ‘It doesn’t need an explanation as I’m single and not waiting around for you anymore’, she said. Meanwhile, Lauren decided to get professional photos done for Mark to hang in his bedroom, after he revealed to her plans to open a glamour model agency. Lauren told him there was no way she would let it happen, and the only girl in his bedroom would be her. Mark was horrified at the thought of having a life-size photo of Lauren in his flat, aka the bachelor pad.

To get their minds off things, Mark and James went to BMW Gemma’s pub quiz. James hoped that Lydia would come and even bought her a drink, but she was out with the girls, ‘Single and ready to mingle’.

‘Some people would say I’ve had a lucky escape from the mother-in-law from hell’ said James. We can’t agree with you more Arg. ‘Forget about Lydia for tonight’, Nanny Pat told him, as she and Lauren joined the boys for the quiz, taking the name Nanny Pat’s Sausage Plaits.

Other teams included, The Hairy Growlers- Harry, Sam and Amy, The Ream Team, with Joey, Chloe and Maria. Chloe told Joey earlier that they had a good chance of winning as Maria has lots of GCSE’s, whilst Joey revealed that he buys trainers a size too small that hurt his feet so the trainers don’t crease, clever?

Bit it was Amy’s team who really struggled with even the simplest questions, such as What class at school would you use a Bunsen burner? And Where’s the longest pier in Essex? ‘Is it the Isle of Wight’, said Amy, these questions are really hard.'

No surprise then that Nanny Pat’s team came in first, followed by the Ream team and the Hairy Growlers.

Bodyshocks: Dad's Having a Baby- Do we care?

Dull and mis-leading was the CH4 documentary that featured gay married couple Tom and Scott Moore as they naturally gave birth to a baby boy.

No it wasn’t a scientific breakthrough as the title suggests, just Tom who used to be a woman and has a female reproductive system giving birth to a boy, who was conceived with a sperm donor because partner Tom was also born a woman, however has gone through the full change, which allowed them to legally marry. Hard to keep up?

Just to add to the confusion, Tom also had two adopted sons, Greg and Logan, 13 and 11-years-old, one with Aspergers. Of course growing up in a small Californian town with two dads, one of whom is pregnant is tough for the boys, an issue that the programme focuses on, along with the pair’s struggle to be accepted, whereas the doc originally suggested the pregnancy would be the main subject, disappointing not to say the least. And rather than follow the couple whole-heartedly through their struggle for acceptance, the programme just went through the motions and was haphazard and dreary at times.Background TV rather than the attention grabbing doc I thought was being promised.

The Only Way is Essex- Joey hooks up with Sam

By some miracle, Joey got lucky with Sam on last  night’s episode. Perhaps it was his beach Ken fancy dress costume, his blow-dried hair or the fact he chose Sam over Lucy, despite her finally agreeing to a date, ‘You’ve missed the boat’, Joey told her. Seems like he’s got his wish of wanting to be like Mark Wright, now that he’s dating Sam, one of Mark’s exes.

While they frolicked in the pool at Harry’s 17^th fancy dress birthday party, Harry, who was dressed as Lady Gaga, Arg, as Fred Flintstone, and Lydia, as Elle from Legally Blonde, were having a more serious conversation about whether they can make their relationship work. James promised to Lyd he would go back to the ‘old Arg’, after becoming cocky and more confident. Something Lydia had commented on earlier to Lauren, claiming him and Mark had swapped roles. James told Lydia that she looked like a princess and he wanted to treat her like one.But Lydia didn’t seem so sure, and warned him this would be his last chance. Is this the end of the Mark and Arg partnership?

There was even more drama at the party, as Kirk and Lauren’s (Popey) mate Maria came head to head. The pair, who have made their feelings very clear about each other, had a slanging match, with Kirk swearing at Maria and telling her the only reason she hates him is because he didn’t give her free drinks at his club. Maria told Kirk that was rubbish and just an excuse for him to name drop the club. ‘You’re too good for Lauren’ she said, now that it looks like Kirk and Lauren may be getting back together.

Afterwards Maria came crying to Lauren. When Lauren asked how they could fix the problem, Maria replied, ‘We don’t. We just wait till he messes up again.’

So much for Harry’s no arguments at his party rule. But the 17-year-old did try and reclaim the limelight for himself by performing a Lady Gaga dance routine to Telephone, which to say the least was slightly cring-worthy. Teenage boy in a blonde wig and very tight fitting leotard, you get the picture?

The better outfits of the night included Nanny Pat’s the Queen, Amy’s Jessica Rabbit, Lucy’s Betty Boop and Mark and Lauren as Danny and Sandy from Grease.

Breaking news: Big Brother is set to return

The rumour mill is buzzing with the news that CH5 is to bring back Big Brother later this year.

Apparently the station have been in talks with makers Endemol to sign a five year deal to include both normal and celebrity series, starting in August for a period of four weeks.

The big question on everyone’s lips though is who will present the show? Will CH5 ask Davina, aka Big Mutha, to present the series or find a replacement?

An announcement is expected shortly.

Battle of the Hollywood movies

In just over a week (15 April), the battle of three Hollywood blockbusters will take place, with cinema goers torn between whether they should be bopping along to Footloose the remake or hiding behind their bucket of popcorn for Scream 4 and Red Riding Hood.

While, the trailers for both Scream and Red Riding Hood have been released, movie fans have yet to see a trailer for the long anticipated Footloose remake, in which new star Kenny Wormald takes on Kevin Bacon's character-Ren and Dennis Quaid as Rev.Shaw Moore.

The Only Way is Essex- Kirk and Arg in the doghouse

Kirk was caught red-handed last night as he walked straight into the path of his ex- Lauren ‘Popey’, hand in hand with his new date Lucy.

Kirk tried to make amends with Lauren, who told him she would only talk with him if he sent Lucy home. He needn’t have worried as Lucy walked out of the restaurant as soon as Lauren’s friend Maria shouted to her across the room that she is the village bike.

Kirk told Lauren he’d fucked up, missed her and never felt like this before with a girl. ‘If that was the case you wouldn’t have taken Lucy on a date’, she replied. ‘Why did you choose someone I know?’ Kirk apologised. ‘You’re not the same person, you’ve changed from person I used to know’, she said. ‘You think I want you after this?’

Perhaps Kirk should stick to taking out his new motor, courtesy of daddy, rather than any girls?

And it wasn’t only Kirk who was having girl troubles on last night’s Only Way is Essex. Arg received a mouthful from girlfriend Lydia, after he told her he bought a derelict town house for them to live in. Lucy said she couldn’t understand why he would want to live with her as he sees more of Mark, ignores her phone calls, doesn’t take her out anymore and lies about seeing other girls.

 ‘I’m sorry’, he said. ‘You always say that and nothing changes’ she replied. ‘They will this time’, he assured her. Famous last words James?

But it was Nanny Pat who stole the show and put everyone to shame, as she showed Mark old photos of her £50 wedding to his grandfather, which she went ahead with despite her father’s disapproval. She said how things were different then as people got married for love, not for a big flashy party. Her glam honeymoon? A caravan holiday to the Isle of Sheppey, that’s what I call working to a budget.

Piers meets Andrew Lloyd Webber

Next Saturday (9 April 9.10pm) sees the return of the Piers meets... programmes on ITV, where the former newspaper editor grills celebs and well known figures in an hour long interview.

Piers talks to the famous composer about his love life, including his affair with Sarah Brightman, living with cancer, why he quit Uni for musicals, his childhood and young adult life, with appearances from his wife, daughter, brother and friends.Lloyd Webber then welcomes Piers to his villa in Majorca where they visit the grocery store to buy dinner, before flying back to the UK where they visit a church and take a trip to the West End.