The Only Way is Essex- Arg seeks relationship advice from player Mark- what a mistake.

 James tried to win back Lydia last night after she told him their relationship is over for good.

Arg turned up at her house with a bunch of flowers, only to be turned away by Lyd’s mother Debbie, who told him ‘Lydia doesn’t want to see you. You’re too late.’ ‘It’s never too late if you love someone’, replied James, bless him. So he waited outside the family home for Lydia to return only to suffer another knock back when she told she’s already made her decision and he needs to go away and do some maturing. ‘I can’t be with someone like you anymore’, she said. ‘I’ll prove you wrong’, replied James.

In desperation, he even turned to Mark for relationship advice, who, earlier in the day visited his ex Sam to question her about her kiss with Joey in the pool at Harry’s party. ‘Why, are you jealous’, she said. ‘No, it was like a porn film’, he claimed and asked her for an explanation. ‘It doesn’t need an explanation as I’m single and not waiting around for you anymore’, she said. Meanwhile, Lauren decided to get professional photos done for Mark to hang in his bedroom, after he revealed to her plans to open a glamour model agency. Lauren told him there was no way she would let it happen, and the only girl in his bedroom would be her. Mark was horrified at the thought of having a life-size photo of Lauren in his flat, aka the bachelor pad.

To get their minds off things, Mark and James went to BMW Gemma’s pub quiz. James hoped that Lydia would come and even bought her a drink, but she was out with the girls, ‘Single and ready to mingle’.

‘Some people would say I’ve had a lucky escape from the mother-in-law from hell’ said James. We can’t agree with you more Arg. ‘Forget about Lydia for tonight’, Nanny Pat told him, as she and Lauren joined the boys for the quiz, taking the name Nanny Pat’s Sausage Plaits.

Other teams included, The Hairy Growlers- Harry, Sam and Amy, The Ream Team, with Joey, Chloe and Maria. Chloe told Joey earlier that they had a good chance of winning as Maria has lots of GCSE’s, whilst Joey revealed that he buys trainers a size too small that hurt his feet so the trainers don’t crease, clever?

Bit it was Amy’s team who really struggled with even the simplest questions, such as What class at school would you use a Bunsen burner? And Where’s the longest pier in Essex? ‘Is it the Isle of Wight’, said Amy, these questions are really hard.'

No surprise then that Nanny Pat’s team came in first, followed by the Ream team and the Hairy Growlers.

Bodyshocks: Dad's Having a Baby- Do we care?

Dull and mis-leading was the CH4 documentary that featured gay married couple Tom and Scott Moore as they naturally gave birth to a baby boy.

No it wasn’t a scientific breakthrough as the title suggests, just Tom who used to be a woman and has a female reproductive system giving birth to a boy, who was conceived with a sperm donor because partner Tom was also born a woman, however has gone through the full change, which allowed them to legally marry. Hard to keep up?

Just to add to the confusion, Tom also had two adopted sons, Greg and Logan, 13 and 11-years-old, one with Aspergers. Of course growing up in a small Californian town with two dads, one of whom is pregnant is tough for the boys, an issue that the programme focuses on, along with the pair’s struggle to be accepted, whereas the doc originally suggested the pregnancy would be the main subject, disappointing not to say the least. And rather than follow the couple whole-heartedly through their struggle for acceptance, the programme just went through the motions and was haphazard and dreary at times.Background TV rather than the attention grabbing doc I thought was being promised.

The Only Way is Essex- Joey hooks up with Sam

By some miracle, Joey got lucky with Sam on last  night’s episode. Perhaps it was his beach Ken fancy dress costume, his blow-dried hair or the fact he chose Sam over Lucy, despite her finally agreeing to a date, ‘You’ve missed the boat’, Joey told her. Seems like he’s got his wish of wanting to be like Mark Wright, now that he’s dating Sam, one of Mark’s exes.

While they frolicked in the pool at Harry’s 17^th fancy dress birthday party, Harry, who was dressed as Lady Gaga, Arg, as Fred Flintstone, and Lydia, as Elle from Legally Blonde, were having a more serious conversation about whether they can make their relationship work. James promised to Lyd he would go back to the ‘old Arg’, after becoming cocky and more confident. Something Lydia had commented on earlier to Lauren, claiming him and Mark had swapped roles. James told Lydia that she looked like a princess and he wanted to treat her like one.But Lydia didn’t seem so sure, and warned him this would be his last chance. Is this the end of the Mark and Arg partnership?

There was even more drama at the party, as Kirk and Lauren’s (Popey) mate Maria came head to head. The pair, who have made their feelings very clear about each other, had a slanging match, with Kirk swearing at Maria and telling her the only reason she hates him is because he didn’t give her free drinks at his club. Maria told Kirk that was rubbish and just an excuse for him to name drop the club. ‘You’re too good for Lauren’ she said, now that it looks like Kirk and Lauren may be getting back together.

Afterwards Maria came crying to Lauren. When Lauren asked how they could fix the problem, Maria replied, ‘We don’t. We just wait till he messes up again.’

So much for Harry’s no arguments at his party rule. But the 17-year-old did try and reclaim the limelight for himself by performing a Lady Gaga dance routine to Telephone, which to say the least was slightly cring-worthy. Teenage boy in a blonde wig and very tight fitting leotard, you get the picture?

The better outfits of the night included Nanny Pat’s the Queen, Amy’s Jessica Rabbit, Lucy’s Betty Boop and Mark and Lauren as Danny and Sandy from Grease.

Breaking news: Big Brother is set to return

The rumour mill is buzzing with the news that CH5 is to bring back Big Brother later this year.

Apparently the station have been in talks with makers Endemol to sign a five year deal to include both normal and celebrity series, starting in August for a period of four weeks.

The big question on everyone’s lips though is who will present the show? Will CH5 ask Davina, aka Big Mutha, to present the series or find a replacement?

An announcement is expected shortly.

Battle of the Hollywood movies

In just over a week (15 April), the battle of three Hollywood blockbusters will take place, with cinema goers torn between whether they should be bopping along to Footloose the remake or hiding behind their bucket of popcorn for Scream 4 and Red Riding Hood.

While, the trailers for both Scream and Red Riding Hood have been released, movie fans have yet to see a trailer for the long anticipated Footloose remake, in which new star Kenny Wormald takes on Kevin Bacon's character-Ren and Dennis Quaid as Rev.Shaw Moore.

The Only Way is Essex- Kirk and Arg in the doghouse

Kirk was caught red-handed last night as he walked straight into the path of his ex- Lauren ‘Popey’, hand in hand with his new date Lucy.

Kirk tried to make amends with Lauren, who told him she would only talk with him if he sent Lucy home. He needn’t have worried as Lucy walked out of the restaurant as soon as Lauren’s friend Maria shouted to her across the room that she is the village bike.

Kirk told Lauren he’d fucked up, missed her and never felt like this before with a girl. ‘If that was the case you wouldn’t have taken Lucy on a date’, she replied. ‘Why did you choose someone I know?’ Kirk apologised. ‘You’re not the same person, you’ve changed from person I used to know’, she said. ‘You think I want you after this?’

Perhaps Kirk should stick to taking out his new motor, courtesy of daddy, rather than any girls?

And it wasn’t only Kirk who was having girl troubles on last night’s Only Way is Essex. Arg received a mouthful from girlfriend Lydia, after he told her he bought a derelict town house for them to live in. Lucy said she couldn’t understand why he would want to live with her as he sees more of Mark, ignores her phone calls, doesn’t take her out anymore and lies about seeing other girls.

 ‘I’m sorry’, he said. ‘You always say that and nothing changes’ she replied. ‘They will this time’, he assured her. Famous last words James?

But it was Nanny Pat who stole the show and put everyone to shame, as she showed Mark old photos of her £50 wedding to his grandfather, which she went ahead with despite her father’s disapproval. She said how things were different then as people got married for love, not for a big flashy party. Her glam honeymoon? A caravan holiday to the Isle of Sheppey, that’s what I call working to a budget.

Piers meets Andrew Lloyd Webber

Next Saturday (9 April 9.10pm) sees the return of the Piers meets... programmes on ITV, where the former newspaper editor grills celebs and well known figures in an hour long interview.

Piers talks to the famous composer about his love life, including his affair with Sarah Brightman, living with cancer, why he quit Uni for musicals, his childhood and young adult life, with appearances from his wife, daughter, brother and friends.Lloyd Webber then welcomes Piers to his villa in Majorca where they visit the grocery store to buy dinner, before flying back to the UK where they visit a church and take a trip to the West End.