The Only Way is Essex-Mark makes his dramatic exit from the show

Mark left Essex for the jungle on last night’s TOWIE. He told his parents, Mark Senior and Carol, that he is thinking about getting away, more to be fair to Lauren. ‘I’ll miss you and Arg obviously and will carry on seeing Sam’, he said.

However, when Mark spoke to Sam at the fireworks party where he said his final goodbyes, she told him he has got too much going on in his life to have a girlfriend.

After Mark poured his heart out to Sam, she confessed she wasn’t sure if she felt the same, ‘You’re my friend, but I can’t trust you’, she said.

‘I like you. We have a great bond’, said a confused Mark. ‘I want us to be more than friends. The way you are talking you don’t. If you don’t want it tell me now.

‘I don’t want it’, said Sam, before walking away.

Tying up loose ends, Mark also spoke to ex Lauren before his departure from the show. He told her that everytime they argue it gets him down and can’t see her hurt anymore.

‘I love you, but don’t love you like that anymore.’

Lauren replied that she lover Mark also, but didn’t like him.

‘It breaks my heart, but I could never get back with you’, she said.

The pair agreed it’s over and said goodbye.

But Mark’s most difficult break-up was having to end his bro-mance with best mate Arg. Between tears, Mark told Arg there are things he wants to change in his life and that his love life if almost ‘ridiculous’. He said he’s going to get away for a bit and do his own thing-meaning going into I’m a Celebrity Get me out of Here?

‘Essex isn’t right for me now’, confessed Mark, but is the jungle ready for Mr Wright?

Arg said he had a feeling something wasn’t right, telling Mark he would love to join him but he understand he needs to do it by himself.

‘Where does that leave us’, he questioned.

‘You will be in my heart forever I promise. I will never leave you. That’s what’s so hard’, said Mark.

‘I can’t do anything without you’, cried Arg, before Mark reassured him he would be back.

Also on last night’s episode

-Lucy got on stage at the fireworks party to stop the gossip surrounding her and try and win Mario back.

She said she hates public speaking and has made the biggest mistake of her life. She apologised to everyone for lying and told Mario she loves him so much and will do anything to get him back.

After her speech, Lucy said to Mario tat she wanted to do something that meant a lot as he knows she is terrified of speaking in public. Mario said he still loved Lucy, but it would take a lot to forgive and forget.

The Only Way is Essex-Lucy tells Mario I did sleep with Mark

Lucy confessed all to Maio on last night’s episode after he threatened to read the text she supposedly sent to Jess asking Mark’s sister to cover for her.

‘I wanted to meet you cos I’ve never been honest about that night and I think you know that’, said Lucy.

‘Yep’, relpied Mario as Lucy decribed the night in Marbella from start to finish-telling him she got more and more drunk and the last thing she remembered was going to Mark and Jess’ joint party.

‘Where did you wake up’, Mario asked her.

‘With Mark’, said Lucy. ‘But I was dressed.’

‘Needless to say It’s over’, said a deflated Mario. ‘You’ve lied for months. There’s nothing you can say. I was in Ibiza for 12 hours. I’ve done nothing but treat you. Made you part of the family and brought us a flat.’

Lucy pleaded with Mario and said it had made her realise how much she loves him. ‘I’ve never had a boyfriend as good as you’, she said.

Mario reiterated that it’s over and told Lucy her morals are ‘well off.’

‘All I can say is I was really drunk. It’s the biggest mistake I’ve ever made’, she said.

Mario responded by telling Lucy she treats him like shit and always lets him down.

Speaking to Joey that evening, Mario said Lucy had fucked him over.

Joey said he felt for him and that nice boys always get hurt like he did with Sam.

The Only Way is Essex-Mark and Sam go on a date?

After staying the night at Mark’s the evening of the Sugar Hut karaoke night-when Mark text a mystery girl to come and keep him company, Mark asked Sam if she wanted to go skiing as mates.

Mark told Sam that he thought a lot about her and cared for her. ‘We should go skiing, it’s not a date. If it was a date I would wine and dine you’, he said.

Later on in the day, Mark asked Arg, who was having a colonic, whether he and Lydia wanted to skiing with him and Sam. ‘Lydia loves skiing’, said Arg.

Fortunately Lydia had already agreed to make up with Mark and end all the arguing with Arg so they could be a ‘happy family again.’

Before the 'double date' Sam met with Lauren G, Mark’s ex, to tell her that she was going on a date with Mark. Lauren said she had to let him get on with it, after revealing that she slept with her ex a week ago.

During the 'date', Mark told Sam he invited her there as a friend, although it didn’t stop him from flirting with the blonde shop owner and hinting that they go on a proper date. However, when asked if he was now a one-woman man by Arg, he said that he intended to have fun with other girls too.

When Joey heard that Sam and Mark had gone on a date he was furious. Lauren G told him at his pie and mash animal themed pool party that Sam had told her she was going skiing with Mark.

‘Oh my God, what is Sam doing’, exclaimed Joey. ‘Mark thinks he can get with the bird I was with? I didn’t think Mark would do this to me. It’s hurt me more in the way of Mark’, he told Lauren.

Mary Queen of Frocks- How do you solve a problem like Mary?

Despite Mary's opening of her new store turning out to be a hit and netting her £18,598 in profit, way over her £10,000 daily target, the retail consultant still wasn't happy.

While customers complimented Mary on her designs and the impeccable customer service, Mary was more concerned that her best-sellers were out of stock and not being replenished, and rightly so with a long waiting list of women desperate for her Arora dress.

Worried that HOF's failure was causing her to loose money and people's custom, she complained to store manager Paul, who told her he didn't like loosing money too but that everything would come together. Another of Mary's issue she discussed with the store manager was the department store's badges her staff are made to wear.

'I really don't want name badges on staff', she moaned. 'It doesn't go with what I'm trying to create.'

Paul told Mary that there needed to be compromise and acceptance. 'The C word isn't in my vocabularly', an angry Mary replied, who was furious that HOF was turning her space into their own brand.

'It feels like when coming in it's not my store it's House of Fraser's', she said after finding HOF store card pamphlets on her till and hearing that her staff have been told to offer the card to every customer.

'You can cage the best, but you can't tame the beast', said Paul in response to Mary's attack on the department store.

Then Mary was given the news that her brand would be rolled-out to other HOF stores following a successful  three to four weeks of trading in London. However instead of being happy, Mary cried that it wasn't about a roll-out as the store was her dream. She then exclaimed that she wanted stores in London, Paris and Milan, not Guildford, Kent, where she was sent to suss out the department store's clientele.

Surprisingly shoppers at Guildford pleaded with Mary to bring her designs to their store, after one forty something woman told her she was stuck in a style rut and needed help, which reassured Mary. So she enlisted the help of her team member Mark, who impressed her with his selling technique, to help her with the roll-out and ensure it would be a 'brand roll-out, not a bland roll-out.'

But while she had her team and the HOF big-wigs on side, her neighbours Spencer and Liz were angry at Mary for stealing their customers. To help them the retail consultant set them a challenge to dress her in their brand's designs, evening wear, while she would dress Liz in the clothes from her space, all filmed and aired on HOF's store TV channel. It's a good PR stunt she assured them as staff from the ground floor gathered around the TV to watch.

The Only Way is Essex-Jess reveals Lucy did sleep with Mark

Jess revealed in front of Nanny Pat on last night’s episode that Lucy asked her to lie and say she stayed at her’s the night she was supposed to have slept with Mark.

‘It takes two to tango’, said Nanny Pat, who was around Mark’s flat ironing his clothes for him.

And it seems Mario, who called of the break between him and Lucy and told her she only has one more chance, isn’t so squeaky clean.

Sam’s friend Peri, who dated Mario, told her that Mario and her broke up two weeks before the group’s trip to Marbella and that Mario was never interested in Lucy. Peri said she thought Mario was with Lucy to become the big man in Essex.

The Only Way is Essex-Lydia puts Mark in his place

Lydia stood up to Mark on last night’s The Only Way is Essex, telling him he is disrespectful to girls and she needs to stick up for them.

Mark, who had been expecting Lucy, after texting her to meet him ASAP, claiming it was in her interest, told Lydia that he didn’t want to argue with her and he was 100 per cent telling the truth about sleeping with Lucy and didn’t want people thinking he is a liar.

‘I don’t need to brag about sleeping with Lucy’, he said.

Lydia replied that she didn’t want to comment on the situation and came to speak to Mark to sort out their ‘situation.’

‘I know you’re authoritative and powerful, but I don’t want you to take James away from me’, said Lydia.

‘The last thing I want is for you and Arg to split up. I’m looking forward to the day you get married’, Mark replied.

He added, ‘Unless you have something good to say then don’t say anything at all.’

‘I won’t talk to you then’, said Lydia.

Lydia’s attack on Mark came after Arg ditched her for Mr Wright the night before (Sunday’s episode) and in spite of an apology from James.

Lydia told James, who visited her at her shop that he’s acting like an idiot again and he is Mark’s bitch. ‘You’re the only prick in Essex that is friends with him’, she said. ‘We’ve gone back ten steps.’

Also on last night’s TOWIE

• Gemma quit her diet after revealing to Frankie Essex that she is unhappy watching her weight and what she eats.
• Chloe revealed that she is going to get a bum job, which she believes will get her a new man. Her bum job will mean she doesn’t have to wear chicken fillets in her knickers anymore.
• Joey and Kirk have named themselves team Jerk. The boys also went to buy Joey a grill for his new flat without an oven, both wearing matching short sports shorts, which Joey said would attract the girls?
• Maria and Mick went on their second date, to the seaside Leigh on Sea on Mick’s motorbike.
  
  

Mary Portas Queen of Frocks- turning a department store into a sex shop?

Purple dildos and ‘Armoury’tights worn on the arms, were just some of Mary’s ideas for her new store at House of Fraser.

On last night’s episode of Queen of Frocks, the retail guru told House of Fraser bods that she wanted the design of her retail space to be fun and sexy with neon pictures of naked silhouettes of women and an area selling sex toys.

‘This is a family store’, the managers told her. ‘I don’t want to have to explain to my seven-year-old what a dildo is’, said another.

So the dildo’s were replaced with a line of homeware, a comparable compromise?

Things got worse as a month to go until the launch, and Mary’s collection was slated by her group of forty something women and a focus group set up by her business manager to decide whether Mary should be the face of the advertising campaign, after the retail consultant refused to do it, not wanting a celebrity endorsed line, like she said ‘Linda Barker with DFS.’The focus group, who agreed that Mary’s face shouldn’t be used to advertise the brand, said her clothes were boring and not quirky like the way she dresses.

However, Mary’s harshest critic was forty something Penn, who told her that her suit (part of collection) made her (Penn) look like a McDonalds manager, her sheer shirt was something she would have worn in the eighties, and a tight-fitting dress, which the other women said looked lovely on her, she claimed covered up her body which was better than the dress.

Taking on their feedback, Ms Portas extended her collection with clothes that she would wear, wasn’t that an obvious move, adding a leopard print shift dress and leather panelled dress. She also came up with, what she considered to be a genius idea to banish bingo wings and replace the shrug, ‘Armoury’, tights worn as sleeves, which Daily mail journalist Liz Jones scoffed at.

And that wasn’t Mary’s only problem, her only make member of staff Mark failed to respond to messages about a training day, leaving Mary to chase him herself, and then missing his train to go and view Mary’s shoe collection in collaboration with Clarks, along with the rest of the team. He turned up an hour late and missed the training. Mary warned Mark, who has been unemployed for a year, she was taking a risk with him.

On next week’s episode Mary’s store opens to the public.

The Only Way is Essex-Mark breaks-up Lucy and Mario

Mark successfully drove a wedge between couple Lucy and Mario on last night’s episode as he revealed that him and his ex had slept together three weeks ago, which Lucy adamantly denied.

The bombshell came after Mario asked Lucy to move in with him to his new apartment during their double date with Lydia and Arg. However the tables soon turned as after the run-in with Mark, Mario told Lucy they needed a break.

‘I would do anything for you. At the beginning of the night I bought us a flat, now Mark says you slept together’,fumed Mario. Lucy reacted by saying that Mark was just trying to bring them down as he can see how happy they are.

‘Lucy can’t stay away from Mark’, said Mario to Lydia, who was with the pair after Arg left their date to go meet Mark. ‘I treated you like a princess. It makes me question what we’re doing here’, Mario told Lucy.

‘I’ve wasted six months of my life believing Lucy’, claimed Mario, before telling his girlfriend they need to take a break.

And that wasn’t the only relationship that hit self destruct as Lydia told Arg, who not only ditched her for Mark, but who she caught with two girls at the club with Mark. ‘You’ve fucked up again’, she told him.

Earlier Lydia told Mario and Lucy that Mark controls people and James is getting sucked in. ‘He did it with Lauren for ten years. She got out. We are the three people (Lydia, Lucy, Mario) he can’t control. Mark has no other friends apart from Arg.’

Also on last night’s The Only Way is Essex

• Gemma made it very clear to Maria how she feels about her and Mick dating. At Sam’s sleepover, where the girls chatted about men and relationships, Gemma, who was nearly in tears, said to Mari in front of everyone that she was still getting over the shock that they (Maria and Mick) might get married. However, earlier on in a one-one conversation with Maria, she said that she was happy for the couple. Maria told her is she was cool about it than just to leave it. Gemma replied, ‘Then let’s not ruin the night.’
• Kirk and Joey’s bromance developed as Kirk told Joey how to cook, which he said would impress the girls.

The Only Way is Essex to rival Eastenders and Corrie?

 The rumours that the Only Way is Essex may become a weekly soap has got me all excited.

The cast of TOWIE collecting their BAFTA.

Bosses at ITV2 are reportedly considering upping the reality programme's status from a 12-episode series to a soap opera with a weekly slot, following news that TOWIE is one of the broadcasters' most watched shows. What a surprise?

Who could say no to more TOWIE relationship dramas between Lauren and Mark and Arg and Lydia, Nanny Pat's sausage plaits, along with seeing our fave Essex girls and boys-Amy, Sam, Lucy and the one and only Ream boy Joey. What with Kirk and Lauren's recent break-up, along with Sam giving Joey the push, and the cast's trip to Marbs, there would be plenty of material.

TOWIE- Arg and Lydia back together?

If anyone else saw T4 last weekend, you'll know that Mark and Arg from the Only Way is Essex co-presented the show. During their stint the boys revealed that before starting the show Arg was basically in the gutter, fat, unemployed, single and living in Spain. James also let slip that him and Lydia have started seeing each other and have been on several dates. He confessed that it's early days, but there's a possibility the pair could get back together. Bet Lydia's mum Debbie isn't too pleased with her daughter's decision, particularly after James was sick in her car at the TOWIE wrap party. Not the best way to impress your future mother-in-law. At least Darcy the pig will have his daddy back though.

The Only Way is Essex-Arg gets his heartbroken again as Lydia once more tells him it’s over.

 Lydia told James she’s moving on as he went to talk to her after she turned up at the pool party with her date, model Rob. Looks like Arg has fierce competition, as even Lydia’s mum likes the male model.

‘You don’t understand how it felt you turning up to my best mates party with another guy’, James told Lyd. ‘I would die for you. It’s the worst feeling I’ve ever felt in my life.’

Lydia replied by telling him she needs someone to help her get over him and to see how shit there relationship is/was. She told him that he keeps pushing her away and that she never wants to be in that situation again. James told her they are soulmates and belong together, but Lydia just said what’s the point. ‘I won’t fuck up again’, James pleaded. ‘I’ve heard it too many times before’, confessed Lydia.

James also made an enemy out of Amy, who was told by Lydia, when she visited her house to clear the air, that James has told her in the past that he has ‘banged’ her. Amy was furious and apologised to Lydia for not being on her side and sticking up for James before. Lydia forgave her and said she had washed her hands of him. But when Amy confronted James at the party, he told her Lydia was making up lies, despite confessing to Lyd he had said while they were going out he had slept with Amy to wind her up. Amy told James she was pissed off as they used to be mates, and she doesn’t want to be involved in their (Arg and Lydia’s) arguments. James said he would tell Lyd not to involve her. Amy was having none of James’ lies and said to leave it at that.

The Only Way is Essex- Mark plans his comeback

Mark told Arg he's planning a 'phat' pool party for his return to the night club scene now that Joey has got a bit too comfortable.

Mark said his pool party will be like the one he holds in Marbella, which Lauren isn't invited to, with loads of topless girls and champagne. 'There will be london and Essex girls at the party', he told Arg, who seemed concerned with taking his top off in front of anyone other than Mark.

Earlier in the episode, Mark told fiancee Lauren that he has to get back to the club scene as it's what he does best. 'Mark Wright is missed in Essex', he said. Lauren asked what she will get out of it? Mark replied cars and watches. 'I'd rather live in a shed' (than Mark go back to club promoting) she said. But she confessed she knew he would do what he wants regardless of how she feels.

Her sister echoed her concerns, telling Lauren she was worried their relationship, her and Mark, would go back to how it used to be. Lauren reassured her she trusted Mark 100 per cent now and that it was him who wanted commitment. Her sister said she hoped she was right.

The Only Way is Essex- Mark gets ‘well jeal’ of Joey

 Joey proved he really is the new Mark Wright in business with the success of his first Ream Party at the Sugar Hut on last night’s episode.

Mr Essex even chose Mark’s sister Jess to be the face of the parties, what a way to rub Mark up the wrong way.

Sitting at a table in the club, Arg asked Mark if he missed it (club promoting). ‘What do you think’, replied Mark. Arg told him Joey was stealing his job and warned he might not be able to catch up with him, saying that Mark had gone into early retirement. Mark replied that he might have had six weeks with a ring on his finger, but it doesn’t mean anyone has seen the last of him.

Lauren echoed Arg’s thoughts, telling club owner Mick that Joey is competition for her fiancée, while Sam’s sister Billie said to Mark, ‘That used to be you didn’t it?’ Mark made some comment that Joey is taking his job and stealing his exes, but reminded Billie that it is only Joey’s first night.

However, a worried Mark left the Sugar Hut early with Lauren and told her they would be seeing him very soon and he’s back on the scene.

The Only Way is Essex- James tries to fix his broken relationship with Lydia

Arg told Lydia's mum Debbie, aka the mother-in-law from hell, that he would get things sorted after they bumped into each other on last night's episode, and she informed him that her daughter is in pieces over his alleged cheating.

Debbie claimed that Lydia cries all the time, won't eat and doesn't want to step outside of the house. When she asked James if there is any truth to he rumours he quickly said no. But Debbie said then she couldn't understand why people close to him have started the rumours? James claimed it's because of his bubbly personality, but Debbie didn't seem convinced.

'We- me, you and Lydia, have to get to the bottom of this', she said. 'I'll get it sorted', replied James. 'You do that', said Debbie.

Although, in an earlier conversation Lydia had with Lucy, she made it clear that she thought James is lying. She told Lucy how she had made a mistake and slept with 'Arg' after getting drunk. 'I'm soooo embarrassed', she admitted. Lucy asked her how she felt about the situation. 'Confused, hurt and embarrassed', she said. Lucy told her she would have to decide what her feelings are for James before doing anything like that again, and said she thought that Lydia didn't want to be with him right now. Lydia agreed.

And it seems like Lydia's dream might come true, after Gemma read her tarot cards at Kirk's birthday party and told her she will meet a new man very soon. She also said that Lydia would find something out that would piss her off. Lydia told Gemma that she felt finding a new man would be the perfect way to get over James, a guy that wows her and makes her see how bad it was with Arg.

At the same time, James confronted Sam and Billie over the rumours they have been spreading that he has cheated on Lydia, despite Mark warning him before not to as girls all stick together and not to trust anyone.

Arg told Billie and Sam that he had worked it out who told Lydia that he had cheated as they had been 'off-ish', with him and he had put two and two together. But he thought they were closer to him than Lydia?

Sam said they were but had to say something as Lydia was upset. James admitted to them he had done things wrong but never actually done anything with other girls.

'We're not being shit stirrers but we hear rumours', said Billie. Arg challenged them to name an incident. Billie told him she had heard he had oral sex in a club?  James laughed and said that's not the type of thing he would do.

'There's no smoke without fire', said Billie. 'You need to be truthful, but you're not going to be are you?'

The Only Way is Essex- Arg and Lydia's big fight

Unlike Joey, James wasn't having much luck with the ladies on last night's show. One lady in particular, Lydia, who arranged to meet up with James to confront him about the rumour he had cheated on her. An idea planted in her head by friends Lucy, Sam and her sister Billie, which they claimed was a rumour making it's way around Essex.

But poor Arg he didn't stand a chance as Lydia lay into him. 'Who told you that I cheated on you', he said. Lydia replied, 'It doesn't matter.' James said it did and told her he had tried his best and been a good boyfriend.
'Tell me straight if you cheated on me', said Lydia. 'I don't know what you want from me?', replied James. Lydia said that she wanted closure. 'I hate you, you've fucked with my head', she said. 'You're not giving me a chance', replied James. Lydia told him that he's had too many and said he didn't deserve anymore of her time.

Arg went to vent his frustrations out on Mark and Lauren. Telling them that the rumours are bullshit and the only hope he has of him and Lydia getting back together is that she still loves him otherwise she wouldn't have bothered to confront him. But Mark told him to stop moping and to turn things around, 'Fuck it' (the relationship) he said.

Lauren also had a heated discussion with Mark's mum Carole, who she decided to speak to to resolve their issues.
Carole told Lauren that it's hard for her to congratulate them. And that she doesn't really know her, even after ten years. 'Ten years of hell', she said. 'You're expecting too much all of a sudden', she said.

The Only Way is Essex- Mark proves his love for Lauren

Mark got in touch with his feminine side last night as he tearily spoke of his love for Lauren in front of all his family and friends.

The purpose of his speech at their engagement party, he said, was to prove to everyone that he’s serious about Lauren and to get their support.

However, moments earlier Mark had told Sam she will always be special to him, and he still has feelings for her. ‘It’s hard for me to say for you to let me go’, he said. ‘But I’m moving on now. You’re more special than any of the other girls I’ve seen. But I don’t want to tell you to wait for me in case Lauren and I break up, as I know you won’t do that anyway.’

To make matters worse, Mark had also met with Sam in the day for what he called a ‘business meeting’. Mark asked his ex whether she would be interested in working for him and heading up the glamour side of his model agency. Sam seemed surprised by his proposal and asked if he’d discussed it with Lauren. ‘She’ll have to get over it and trust me’, he replied. Sam said she would think about it.

Of course, the idea went down like a lead balloon with Lauren, who heard the news that Mark and Sam had met for lunch from Amy’s assistant Paloma while she was having her nails done. Lauren confronted Mark over the phone, and told him he had been dishonest. ‘You don’t go and meet a girl’, she said. ‘That’s how gossip starts.’ Mark explained he had asked Sam as she has glamour modelling experience. But then quickly reversed on his decision. ‘Did you invite her to our engagement party’, she said. Mark confessed he had suggested she come. Lauren replied, ‘I don’t know if I am coming yet. I can’t be bothered.’

It’s no wonder then that Mark’s family still don’t believe the wedding will happen. ‘I’ll believe it when I see them walk down the aisle’, Jess told her mum, family friend and Nanny Pat.

At least Mark can always rely on best mate Arg, who he enjoyed a pamper session with, and arrived at the party with on separate white horses. ‘I didn’t realise it was a gay wedding’, said Harry.

Coming soon on Kerry Katona- The Next Chapter

Next Wednesday's (20 April) episode emotions run high as Kerry and ice skating partner Dan prepare for their first stint on Dancing on Ice. Kerry also appears on This Morning for the first time since her notorious interview in 2008, when she was accused of being on drugs.

Kerry makes a hard decision next week to let her children watch her 90 minute documentary entitled 'Coming Clean' where she talks about her old life of drug taking and depression, after the footage becomes the talk of the playground at her daughters' school.

The former Queen of the Jungle revisits her past when Brian left her and the time she spent in The Priory in rehab in Arizona when she became drug free, but on returning home to Warrington she hit the drugs again with her mother before being introduced to Mark. However, she decides to put the past behind her and concentrate on celebrating Christmas as a singleton with her four children

The Only Way is Essex- Arg seeks relationship advice from player Mark- what a mistake.

 James tried to win back Lydia last night after she told him their relationship is over for good.

Arg turned up at her house with a bunch of flowers, only to be turned away by Lyd’s mother Debbie, who told him ‘Lydia doesn’t want to see you. You’re too late.’ ‘It’s never too late if you love someone’, replied James, bless him. So he waited outside the family home for Lydia to return only to suffer another knock back when she told she’s already made her decision and he needs to go away and do some maturing. ‘I can’t be with someone like you anymore’, she said. ‘I’ll prove you wrong’, replied James.

In desperation, he even turned to Mark for relationship advice, who, earlier in the day visited his ex Sam to question her about her kiss with Joey in the pool at Harry’s party. ‘Why, are you jealous’, she said. ‘No, it was like a porn film’, he claimed and asked her for an explanation. ‘It doesn’t need an explanation as I’m single and not waiting around for you anymore’, she said. Meanwhile, Lauren decided to get professional photos done for Mark to hang in his bedroom, after he revealed to her plans to open a glamour model agency. Lauren told him there was no way she would let it happen, and the only girl in his bedroom would be her. Mark was horrified at the thought of having a life-size photo of Lauren in his flat, aka the bachelor pad.

To get their minds off things, Mark and James went to BMW Gemma’s pub quiz. James hoped that Lydia would come and even bought her a drink, but she was out with the girls, ‘Single and ready to mingle’.

‘Some people would say I’ve had a lucky escape from the mother-in-law from hell’ said James. We can’t agree with you more Arg. ‘Forget about Lydia for tonight’, Nanny Pat told him, as she and Lauren joined the boys for the quiz, taking the name Nanny Pat’s Sausage Plaits.

Other teams included, The Hairy Growlers- Harry, Sam and Amy, The Ream Team, with Joey, Chloe and Maria. Chloe told Joey earlier that they had a good chance of winning as Maria has lots of GCSE’s, whilst Joey revealed that he buys trainers a size too small that hurt his feet so the trainers don’t crease, clever?

Bit it was Amy’s team who really struggled with even the simplest questions, such as What class at school would you use a Bunsen burner? And Where’s the longest pier in Essex? ‘Is it the Isle of Wight’, said Amy, these questions are really hard.'

No surprise then that Nanny Pat’s team came in first, followed by the Ream team and the Hairy Growlers.

The Only Way is Essex- Joey hooks up with Sam

By some miracle, Joey got lucky with Sam on last  night’s episode. Perhaps it was his beach Ken fancy dress costume, his blow-dried hair or the fact he chose Sam over Lucy, despite her finally agreeing to a date, ‘You’ve missed the boat’, Joey told her. Seems like he’s got his wish of wanting to be like Mark Wright, now that he’s dating Sam, one of Mark’s exes.

While they frolicked in the pool at Harry’s 17^th fancy dress birthday party, Harry, who was dressed as Lady Gaga, Arg, as Fred Flintstone, and Lydia, as Elle from Legally Blonde, were having a more serious conversation about whether they can make their relationship work. James promised to Lyd he would go back to the ‘old Arg’, after becoming cocky and more confident. Something Lydia had commented on earlier to Lauren, claiming him and Mark had swapped roles. James told Lydia that she looked like a princess and he wanted to treat her like one.But Lydia didn’t seem so sure, and warned him this would be his last chance. Is this the end of the Mark and Arg partnership?

There was even more drama at the party, as Kirk and Lauren’s (Popey) mate Maria came head to head. The pair, who have made their feelings very clear about each other, had a slanging match, with Kirk swearing at Maria and telling her the only reason she hates him is because he didn’t give her free drinks at his club. Maria told Kirk that was rubbish and just an excuse for him to name drop the club. ‘You’re too good for Lauren’ she said, now that it looks like Kirk and Lauren may be getting back together.

Afterwards Maria came crying to Lauren. When Lauren asked how they could fix the problem, Maria replied, ‘We don’t. We just wait till he messes up again.’

So much for Harry’s no arguments at his party rule. But the 17-year-old did try and reclaim the limelight for himself by performing a Lady Gaga dance routine to Telephone, which to say the least was slightly cring-worthy. Teenage boy in a blonde wig and very tight fitting leotard, you get the picture?

The better outfits of the night included Nanny Pat’s the Queen, Amy’s Jessica Rabbit, Lucy’s Betty Boop and Mark and Lauren as Danny and Sandy from Grease.

The Only Way is Essex- Once a player always a player

 Mark refused to let go of his lucky pants on last night’s episode as Nanny Pat suggested he throw them away now he’s engaged to Lauren. Mark said he planned to keep them for prosperity and even frame them. Lauren clearly is deluded if she thinks Mark will ever be faithful to her.

Nanny Pat suggested he give the pants to James ‘Arg’, but then said he would probably only fit one leg into them. James’weight continued to be an issue on the programme last night. Mark even took him down the gym and for a run, but James undid the hard work by polishing off five macaroon biscuits resulting in Lydia signing him up to a women’s weight watchers class. Poor James, the guy wasn’t having much luck, having failed his theory test for the sixth time, told by Lydia that they can’t rent the flat underneath Mark without transport and then being put on a diet.

It wasn’t just James who had a tough time in last night’s episode. Sam revealed to Mark that she loved him, only for him to remind her he’s engaged to Lauren, and ‘popey’, Kirk’s girlfriend was by dumped by her boyfriend, who has his eye on Chloe.

Meanwhile Amy interviewed candidates to work as her assistant in her salon, with help from BMW saleswoman Gemma and her cousin Harry. They consisted of a young girl, Paloma, who said she has problems with fiddly jobs such as applying eyelashes, Adrian who Amy mistook as a woman with his heels and painted nails, and orange Demi-Jo who refused to do Brazilian or Hollywood waxes.

After a chat with her advisers, Amy called   to offer her the job, on the belief that she can turn her into a mini me, with fake tan, eyelashes and nails. Wonder if she knows what she’s got herself into?

And Joey, Chloe’s cousin, blew his chances with Lucy when he told he looks up to Mark and wants to be like him. Lucy said I don’t want another Mark and walked off.