The Only Way is Essex-Mario tells Lucy not to move in

Mario took back his offer of Lucy moving in with him last night, after claiming she is a little immature and insecure. ‘You looking at my phone makes me think we shouldn’t be together.

‘Obvisouly you don’t trust me. We’re not ready to move in together.’

‘Fine’, replied Lucy.

‘You can come over when ever you want. You’ll have a key, but you won’t live here In six months time we’ll see how it is. If its right you can move in. I’m doing this for our relationship.’

Mario’s decision followed Lucy airing concerns that Mario had spoken to the two Lauren’s on his boy’s night out and told them about his hall pass.

Lucy told him it wasn’t exactly a hall pass, but he could do what he felt like doing. Lucy asked Mario why he spoke to Lauren G and P about it, and Mario replied that it just came up in conversation.

‘Are you telling me or I can and can’t talk to now’, said Mario. ‘The girls thought you said about a hall pass because you feel guilty.’ Although Mario said he believed it was because she felt bad about going through his phone.

Speaking to Lydia, Lucy said she felt like her and Mario had taken a massive step back. She said she was concerned as Mario had never mentioned Lauren G before, who at the Halloween party was grinding behind him.

However, Lydia was preoccupied with Gemma’s declaration of undying love for Arg. She said she hated that someone else loves her boyfriend as he is hers to love. And it probably didn’t help that after Arg told Lydia how Gemma feels about him he said he had told her that if he wasn’t with her then they might be together.

The Only Way is Essex-Mark's family welcome Sam while lauren G feels rejected

Mark’s mum Carol gave Sam her approval for dating her son on last night’s The Only Way is Essex as the gang celebrated the launch of Lydia’s new store Bella Sorella.

Carol told Sam she’s glad Mark has found someone to have fun with and suggested hey try dating and see how what happens. She even invited the blonde store owner over for dinner.

Having overheard their conversation, Mark’s ex Lauren G, told new best mate Lauren P that in the 10 years she was with Mark she tried to make an effort with his family, and Carol has immediately invited Sam over for dinner.

An angry Lauren G confronted Sam about her and Mark and told her she was shocked about them going out together as she felt they (Sam and Lauren G) were friends. ‘What’s going on?’, said Lauren. ‘Nothing happened’, replied sam. ‘If it did I would want you to tell me’, said Lauren.

Mark echoed Sam’s comments after telling Arg that his and Sam’s relationship is ‘harmless’, they get on well and there is nothing there yet. However, his actions suggested otherwise with the flowers he sent to Sam’s home and the night out he planned for the two of them, preparing food in a restaurant’s kitchen , followed by a romantic meal. Only last week Mark told Sam if it was a date he would wine and dine her???

During the meal Mark told Sam that they were ‘friends with benefits’, and he had always had feelings for her and still does.

‘I’m not saying we’re friends and that’s it’, he said. ‘Something could happen.’

Then Mark asked Sam if she felt them same and if she gets nervous butterflies when she sees him. Sam said she did and Mark revealed that he feels ‘homely’ around her and she is basically the female version of her. He added, ‘It’s nice to go for dinner, who knows where it will take us?’

He ended the date by dropping Sam back at home and giving her a peck on the check which she reciprocated, although Mark clearly wanted more.

Also on last night’s TOWIE:

• Joey and Kirk took Cara and Billi on a date to Hollywood Bowl. Joey stole a kiss from Cara and a cheeky grope, while Kirk and Billi appeared awkward.
• Mario invited Lucy to an Italian meal to get to know his family. Mario also invited Lydia, Arg and Debbie, who is half Italian. Mario’s dad-Mario Senior, told Lucy an Italian wife must cook and clean for her husband and always be ready for him! At the meal Debbie also revealed she was disappointed when Lydia came home with James, but he’s grown on her. When Arg said that he makes Lydia happy, Debbie said that he just made Lydia upset and stressed.

The Only Way is Essex-Mark and Sam go on a date?

After staying the night at Mark’s the evening of the Sugar Hut karaoke night-when Mark text a mystery girl to come and keep him company, Mark asked Sam if she wanted to go skiing as mates.

Mark told Sam that he thought a lot about her and cared for her. ‘We should go skiing, it’s not a date. If it was a date I would wine and dine you’, he said.

Later on in the day, Mark asked Arg, who was having a colonic, whether he and Lydia wanted to skiing with him and Sam. ‘Lydia loves skiing’, said Arg.

Fortunately Lydia had already agreed to make up with Mark and end all the arguing with Arg so they could be a ‘happy family again.’

Before the 'double date' Sam met with Lauren G, Mark’s ex, to tell her that she was going on a date with Mark. Lauren said she had to let him get on with it, after revealing that she slept with her ex a week ago.

During the 'date', Mark told Sam he invited her there as a friend, although it didn’t stop him from flirting with the blonde shop owner and hinting that they go on a proper date. However, when asked if he was now a one-woman man by Arg, he said that he intended to have fun with other girls too.

When Joey heard that Sam and Mark had gone on a date he was furious. Lauren G told him at his pie and mash animal themed pool party that Sam had told her she was going skiing with Mark.

‘Oh my God, what is Sam doing’, exclaimed Joey. ‘Mark thinks he can get with the bird I was with? I didn’t think Mark would do this to me. It’s hurt me more in the way of Mark’, he told Lauren.

The Only Way is Essex-Lydia threatens to call time on her and Arg's relationship

Lydia told Arg on last night's episode she's not being with someone like him before she ordered him out of her shop.

The argument started with Arg telling Lydia she is constantly digging at his best friend Mark, and calling her a bully. 'If you loved me like you say you do you would make an effort with Mark', said Arg.


Even Lydia's mum-Debbie, took James' side, telling Lydia she needs to lay off Mark and make a bit of an effort if she wants to be with Arg.

But the comment didn't sit with Lydia, who shouted at James asking him why he always pushes, before telling him to leave her shop.

Lucky she didn't know that James had turned down Mark's offer of them (Mark and Arg) having a break from each other, after Mark told him he thought Lydia was concerned that they spend too much time together.

'Not it's not just that', said Arg. 'She has to prove she loves me and give me respect.'

He added, 'Lydia is so brainwashed. She doesn't know what's going on behind closed doors', referring to the trouble between Lucy, Mario and Mark.

Afterwards when Lydia spoke to Lucy she told her she feels down and shit at the moment, what with James and her arguing over Mark.

'I'm frustrated. I need space at the moment', she told Lucy.

Also on last night's TOWIE:

• Mario told his sister Georgina that he 100 per cent trusts Lucy. He told his sister that it had been the hardest week of his life and that he wanted to trust his girlfriends but it is difficult with everyone else's opinions.
• After a visit from his mum, where Mark told her he missed female company but didn't want a girlfriend, Mark text someone to meet him outside the Sugar Hut, leaving viewers on a cliff hanger. Did he text and meet either Sam, Lucy or Lauren G?
• Kirk invited a girl-Billi, he met at the petrol station to the karaoke night he held at the Sugar Hut. Billi brought her friend Cara with her for Joey. Get in there team Jerk.
• Joey moved into his new home. A glorified pool house complete with pool.
• Gemma took Harry on a driving lesson.

The Only Way is Essex-Lydia puts Mark in his place

Lydia stood up to Mark on last night’s The Only Way is Essex, telling him he is disrespectful to girls and she needs to stick up for them.

Mark, who had been expecting Lucy, after texting her to meet him ASAP, claiming it was in her interest, told Lydia that he didn’t want to argue with her and he was 100 per cent telling the truth about sleeping with Lucy and didn’t want people thinking he is a liar.

‘I don’t need to brag about sleeping with Lucy’, he said.

Lydia replied that she didn’t want to comment on the situation and came to speak to Mark to sort out their ‘situation.’

‘I know you’re authoritative and powerful, but I don’t want you to take James away from me’, said Lydia.

‘The last thing I want is for you and Arg to split up. I’m looking forward to the day you get married’, Mark replied.

He added, ‘Unless you have something good to say then don’t say anything at all.’

‘I won’t talk to you then’, said Lydia.

Lydia’s attack on Mark came after Arg ditched her for Mr Wright the night before (Sunday’s episode) and in spite of an apology from James.

Lydia told James, who visited her at her shop that he’s acting like an idiot again and he is Mark’s bitch. ‘You’re the only prick in Essex that is friends with him’, she said. ‘We’ve gone back ten steps.’

Also on last night’s TOWIE

• Gemma quit her diet after revealing to Frankie Essex that she is unhappy watching her weight and what she eats.
• Chloe revealed that she is going to get a bum job, which she believes will get her a new man. Her bum job will mean she doesn’t have to wear chicken fillets in her knickers anymore.
• Joey and Kirk have named themselves team Jerk. The boys also went to buy Joey a grill for his new flat without an oven, both wearing matching short sports shorts, which Joey said would attract the girls?
• Maria and Mick went on their second date, to the seaside Leigh on Sea on Mick’s motorbike.
  
  

The Only Way is Essex-Mark breaks-up Lucy and Mario

Mark successfully drove a wedge between couple Lucy and Mario on last night’s episode as he revealed that him and his ex had slept together three weeks ago, which Lucy adamantly denied.

The bombshell came after Mario asked Lucy to move in with him to his new apartment during their double date with Lydia and Arg. However the tables soon turned as after the run-in with Mark, Mario told Lucy they needed a break.

‘I would do anything for you. At the beginning of the night I bought us a flat, now Mark says you slept together’,fumed Mario. Lucy reacted by saying that Mark was just trying to bring them down as he can see how happy they are.

‘Lucy can’t stay away from Mark’, said Mario to Lydia, who was with the pair after Arg left their date to go meet Mark. ‘I treated you like a princess. It makes me question what we’re doing here’, Mario told Lucy.

‘I’ve wasted six months of my life believing Lucy’, claimed Mario, before telling his girlfriend they need to take a break.

And that wasn’t the only relationship that hit self destruct as Lydia told Arg, who not only ditched her for Mark, but who she caught with two girls at the club with Mark. ‘You’ve fucked up again’, she told him.

Earlier Lydia told Mario and Lucy that Mark controls people and James is getting sucked in. ‘He did it with Lauren for ten years. She got out. We are the three people (Lydia, Lucy, Mario) he can’t control. Mark has no other friends apart from Arg.’

Also on last night’s The Only Way is Essex

• Gemma made it very clear to Maria how she feels about her and Mick dating. At Sam’s sleepover, where the girls chatted about men and relationships, Gemma, who was nearly in tears, said to Mari in front of everyone that she was still getting over the shock that they (Maria and Mick) might get married. However, earlier on in a one-one conversation with Maria, she said that she was happy for the couple. Maria told her is she was cool about it than just to leave it. Gemma replied, ‘Then let’s not ruin the night.’
• Kirk and Joey’s bromance developed as Kirk told Joey how to cook, which he said would impress the girls.

The Only Way is Essex-Mark gatecrashes a date and the reason why he and Lauren broke-up

 Feeling lonely with his takeaway pizza and night alone in front of the tele, a heartbroken Mr Wright decided to go and join his best mater Arg on a romantic date with girlfriend Lydia on last night’s episode. Clearly Mark hadn’t heard three’s a crowd, as he sat with the pair, who had been enjoying desert. While Arg chatter away to Mark, Lydia didn’t seem exactly thrilled by his presence and gave it to him straight about his failed relationship with Lauren, who at the time was at Gemma’s single event, a lock and key night.

However, Mark lost all sympathy when, earlier in the day, Lauren’s sister had a run in with Lucy, one of Mark’s exes, and implied she was responsible for Mark and Lauren’s break-up because of what happened in Marbella? Lauren’s sister thanked Lucy, who was out with boyfriend Mario, for getting Lauren away from Mark, but told her she owed her sister an apology. Lucy replied that she would never apologise to Lauren and from now on will keep her distance as they (Lucy and Lauren) can never be friends.

Also, on last night’s episode.

• Lydia, her mum Debbie and Joey, tried their hand at selling at a carboot sale only to fail and make a £6 profit. Not a great start ahead of opening a cake shop Lydia. At the car boot Lydia also found Joey a pair of vintage Levi’s, a size too small, which he later wore to the singles night only to be accused by a girl of touching his crotch every two seconds.
• Mark went to a yoga class full of women and nearly ended up breaking his 14 nights of celibacy.
• Harry dressed as cupid for the singles night. He revealed to his mate that his ideal man would be the total opposite of him, not blond, not orange, but have a nice tan, more fun than him and hunky.
• Gemma and Arg worked out with Dino, but were put to same by runner buddies and boyfriend and girlfriend Mario and Lucy.
• Arg revealed at dinner to Lydia that he wants a change of career, and thinks he would be good as a radio DJ.
• Dino and Georgio aren’t having much luck with the ladies, mainly due to being vertically challenged.
• Lauren Pope gained joint custody of her and Kirk’s dog Bozo, but Kirk wanted Lauren back.
• Kirk is to help his dad Mick with his new hotel.

The Only Way is Essex-Mark's off girls as new lads hit the scene

 It's been a long wait over the summer, but Towie is back, hurrah. Amy Childs may have left the show, but there are some new characters in Essex, male model twins Dino and Georgio and Maria’s boyfriend Mario, who didn’t leave much to the imagination, making their first appearances on last night’s show.

And they’re not the only changes, as last night ultimate player Mark Wright turned soppy following his break-up from fiancée Lauren weeks ago.

In a conversation with best mate Arg, Mark questioned him about where he had been and accused him of not being there for him like he was when he split with Lydia, who are now back together.

Arg said that he thinks he hasn’t got the right balance between him (Mark) and girlfriend Lydia as he either spends too much time with Mark and Lydia gets annoyed or vice versa.

Mark told Arg he’s devastated about the break-up and the fact he knows they will never get back together kills him.

‘I’m genuinely cut to pieces’, he said.

24 hours later and Mark tells his best mate he’s seen the light and will no longer listen to Lady in Red, but watch films like The Hangover. And in a shock move he pledged to 14 nights of celibacy.

Arg told him he wanted to support him, but didn’t think he would be able to do it, backed by Nanny Pat, who popped into Marks’ flat to collect his washing.

The real test came, not just for Mark, but Joey having split from Sam and Kirk, who ended things with Lauren Pope, at jess’ party when the guys bumped into their exes for the first time.

To make the situation more awkward, Mark approached Lauren, who was looking stunning, and told her it’s hard to forget the way I loved you.

‘You’re the most beautiful girl in the world’, he said. ‘I will love you for the rest of my life.’

Although earlier in the day, Lauren told her new roommate Lauren Pope that she is well rid of Mark, who was Mr Wrong not Mr Wright.

And Joey followed Mark’s lead at the party, arguing with ex Sam about why they split up, after telling new best mate Kirk he still fancies the shop owner.

So it seems that Mark and Joey are loosing their touch especially now the new models on the block have turned up and are impressing the ladies, not with their height or lack of but their Greek and Italian backgrounds.

However things are looking up for Arg, who is back with Lydia, who is opening a bakery, and even getting on with his future mother-in-law Debbie, who told him he is looking more and more like Dustin Hoffman everyday, referring to his weight loss of half a stone.

Car saleswoman Gemma is also doing well after loosing half her body weight and getting over Kirk’s dad Mick.

The Only Way is Essex-Arg gets his heartbroken again as Lydia once more tells him it’s over.

 Lydia told James she’s moving on as he went to talk to her after she turned up at the pool party with her date, model Rob. Looks like Arg has fierce competition, as even Lydia’s mum likes the male model.

‘You don’t understand how it felt you turning up to my best mates party with another guy’, James told Lyd. ‘I would die for you. It’s the worst feeling I’ve ever felt in my life.’

Lydia replied by telling him she needs someone to help her get over him and to see how shit there relationship is/was. She told him that he keeps pushing her away and that she never wants to be in that situation again. James told her they are soulmates and belong together, but Lydia just said what’s the point. ‘I won’t fuck up again’, James pleaded. ‘I’ve heard it too many times before’, confessed Lydia.

James also made an enemy out of Amy, who was told by Lydia, when she visited her house to clear the air, that James has told her in the past that he has ‘banged’ her. Amy was furious and apologised to Lydia for not being on her side and sticking up for James before. Lydia forgave her and said she had washed her hands of him. But when Amy confronted James at the party, he told her Lydia was making up lies, despite confessing to Lyd he had said while they were going out he had slept with Amy to wind her up. Amy told James she was pissed off as they used to be mates, and she doesn’t want to be involved in their (Arg and Lydia’s) arguments. James said he would tell Lyd not to involve her. Amy was having none of James’ lies and said to leave it at that.

The Only Way is Essex- Lydia confronts Amy about her feelings for Arg

Lydia made a surprise visit to Amy's salon on last night's episode to find out the truth about the salon owner and her ex James.

Earlier in the day, while on a run in the park, Lydia told friend Ellie that she wants to get to the bottom of things as the rumours about James cheating are eating away at her, and needs to get it straight from the horse's mouth, the horse being Amy.

Lydia told Amy that she is 'sooo confused' as she doesn't know what is going on with her (Amy) and James, claiming that they are very tactile and flirtatious with each other. Amy admitted that she has a soft spot for James and she does flirt with him, but she flirts with everyone.

'You don't like it as it's another girl with Arg', Amy told Lydia. 'He needs a bit of flirting', she said. Lydia seemed surprised Amy had confessed to having a soft spot for James and said she came to speak to her to get some answers.

Amy said she doesn't fancy Arg, but Lydia said she was 'rubbishing things', by tweeting that she had dinner with James the other day. Lydia said James knew she would read it so he re-tweeted that he had dinner with Amy and everyone else.

'It shows how immature yous two are', said Amy. 'I'm glad I'm not immature.' 'You obviously are', replied Lydia and walked out of the salon.

However, it seems Lydia's luck may be turning as she bumped into a mysterious guy outside an Essex bar when leaving. Is this the dream man that Gemma promised her?

The Only Way is Essex- Arg hearts Amy??

Sam told Amy last night that she thinks Arg fancies her? Amy reacted  by saying she didn’t feel the same and when she gave him an inch loss treatment at her salon earlier in the day she couldn’t even find his willy. Whereas Arg seemed more interested in looking at Amy’s breast while she wrapped him in cling film.

Even Lydia told her mum Debbie before the Ream party that she suspects Amy has a soft spot for James. Debbie said she thought she liked him as a friend. Lydia said that she hoped so as she isn’t completely over him yet. ‘I don’t think James is her type’, replied Debbie.

Meanwhile, Kirk proved his love for Lauren, Popey, by asking her to move in with him. The Sugar Hut manager took Lauren on a rowing boat on the river where he directed a remote control boat to her containing a jewellery box with a key. She seemed relieved it wasn’t an engagement ring, and agreed to move in with him. Although Maria didn’t seem too pleased and warned her not to get trapped. She told her she thought it was sad her and Kirk aren’t friends. Lauren replied there will become a point when you become friends, but it will take time. However, Kirk appeared to have other ideas as he reminded Lauren that Maria would not be welcome in his home. ‘Our home’, reminded Lauren.

Also on last night’s episode, Gemma continued with her attempt to woo Mick, which failed miserably. The BMW sales woman baked the club owner an apple pie, which she left outside his home with a note. The note said to enjoy the apple pie, but she forgot one crucial thing to say who it was from. Mick guessed wrongly that it was Chloe and thanked her for her efforts, but Chloe told him straight it wasn’t from her and warned him not to eat food left outside his home as he doesn’t know what’s in it. Mick replied that he enjoyed it and is ok.Gemma overheard their conversation and set the record straight, telling Mick she had baked the pie as she wanted to look after him and let him know how she feels about him without snogging his face off. ‘Did you enjoy it’ she said. Mick nodded and said thank you, probably not the response Gemma was looking for?

The Only Way is Essex- James tries to fix his broken relationship with Lydia

Arg told Lydia's mum Debbie, aka the mother-in-law from hell, that he would get things sorted after they bumped into each other on last night's episode, and she informed him that her daughter is in pieces over his alleged cheating.

Debbie claimed that Lydia cries all the time, won't eat and doesn't want to step outside of the house. When she asked James if there is any truth to he rumours he quickly said no. But Debbie said then she couldn't understand why people close to him have started the rumours? James claimed it's because of his bubbly personality, but Debbie didn't seem convinced.

'We- me, you and Lydia, have to get to the bottom of this', she said. 'I'll get it sorted', replied James. 'You do that', said Debbie.

Although, in an earlier conversation Lydia had with Lucy, she made it clear that she thought James is lying. She told Lucy how she had made a mistake and slept with 'Arg' after getting drunk. 'I'm soooo embarrassed', she admitted. Lucy asked her how she felt about the situation. 'Confused, hurt and embarrassed', she said. Lucy told her she would have to decide what her feelings are for James before doing anything like that again, and said she thought that Lydia didn't want to be with him right now. Lydia agreed.

And it seems like Lydia's dream might come true, after Gemma read her tarot cards at Kirk's birthday party and told her she will meet a new man very soon. She also said that Lydia would find something out that would piss her off. Lydia told Gemma that she felt finding a new man would be the perfect way to get over James, a guy that wows her and makes her see how bad it was with Arg.

At the same time, James confronted Sam and Billie over the rumours they have been spreading that he has cheated on Lydia, despite Mark warning him before not to as girls all stick together and not to trust anyone.

Arg told Billie and Sam that he had worked it out who told Lydia that he had cheated as they had been 'off-ish', with him and he had put two and two together. But he thought they were closer to him than Lydia?

Sam said they were but had to say something as Lydia was upset. James admitted to them he had done things wrong but never actually done anything with other girls.

'We're not being shit stirrers but we hear rumours', said Billie. Arg challenged them to name an incident. Billie told him she had heard he had oral sex in a club?  James laughed and said that's not the type of thing he would do.

'There's no smoke without fire', said Billie. 'You need to be truthful, but you're not going to be are you?'

The Only Way is Essex- Arg and Lydia's big fight

Unlike Joey, James wasn't having much luck with the ladies on last night's show. One lady in particular, Lydia, who arranged to meet up with James to confront him about the rumour he had cheated on her. An idea planted in her head by friends Lucy, Sam and her sister Billie, which they claimed was a rumour making it's way around Essex.

But poor Arg he didn't stand a chance as Lydia lay into him. 'Who told you that I cheated on you', he said. Lydia replied, 'It doesn't matter.' James said it did and told her he had tried his best and been a good boyfriend.
'Tell me straight if you cheated on me', said Lydia. 'I don't know what you want from me?', replied James. Lydia said that she wanted closure. 'I hate you, you've fucked with my head', she said. 'You're not giving me a chance', replied James. Lydia told him that he's had too many and said he didn't deserve anymore of her time.

Arg went to vent his frustrations out on Mark and Lauren. Telling them that the rumours are bullshit and the only hope he has of him and Lydia getting back together is that she still loves him otherwise she wouldn't have bothered to confront him. But Mark told him to stop moping and to turn things around, 'Fuck it' (the relationship) he said.

Lauren also had a heated discussion with Mark's mum Carole, who she decided to speak to to resolve their issues.
Carole told Lauren that it's hard for her to congratulate them. And that she doesn't really know her, even after ten years. 'Ten years of hell', she said. 'You're expecting too much all of a sudden', she said.

The Only Way is Essex- Arg seeks relationship advice from player Mark- what a mistake.

 James tried to win back Lydia last night after she told him their relationship is over for good.

Arg turned up at her house with a bunch of flowers, only to be turned away by Lyd’s mother Debbie, who told him ‘Lydia doesn’t want to see you. You’re too late.’ ‘It’s never too late if you love someone’, replied James, bless him. So he waited outside the family home for Lydia to return only to suffer another knock back when she told she’s already made her decision and he needs to go away and do some maturing. ‘I can’t be with someone like you anymore’, she said. ‘I’ll prove you wrong’, replied James.

In desperation, he even turned to Mark for relationship advice, who, earlier in the day visited his ex Sam to question her about her kiss with Joey in the pool at Harry’s party. ‘Why, are you jealous’, she said. ‘No, it was like a porn film’, he claimed and asked her for an explanation. ‘It doesn’t need an explanation as I’m single and not waiting around for you anymore’, she said. Meanwhile, Lauren decided to get professional photos done for Mark to hang in his bedroom, after he revealed to her plans to open a glamour model agency. Lauren told him there was no way she would let it happen, and the only girl in his bedroom would be her. Mark was horrified at the thought of having a life-size photo of Lauren in his flat, aka the bachelor pad.

To get their minds off things, Mark and James went to BMW Gemma’s pub quiz. James hoped that Lydia would come and even bought her a drink, but she was out with the girls, ‘Single and ready to mingle’.

‘Some people would say I’ve had a lucky escape from the mother-in-law from hell’ said James. We can’t agree with you more Arg. ‘Forget about Lydia for tonight’, Nanny Pat told him, as she and Lauren joined the boys for the quiz, taking the name Nanny Pat’s Sausage Plaits.

Other teams included, The Hairy Growlers- Harry, Sam and Amy, The Ream Team, with Joey, Chloe and Maria. Chloe told Joey earlier that they had a good chance of winning as Maria has lots of GCSE’s, whilst Joey revealed that he buys trainers a size too small that hurt his feet so the trainers don’t crease, clever?

Bit it was Amy’s team who really struggled with even the simplest questions, such as What class at school would you use a Bunsen burner? And Where’s the longest pier in Essex? ‘Is it the Isle of Wight’, said Amy, these questions are really hard.'

No surprise then that Nanny Pat’s team came in first, followed by the Ream team and the Hairy Growlers.

The Only Way is Essex- Joey hooks up with Sam

By some miracle, Joey got lucky with Sam on last  night’s episode. Perhaps it was his beach Ken fancy dress costume, his blow-dried hair or the fact he chose Sam over Lucy, despite her finally agreeing to a date, ‘You’ve missed the boat’, Joey told her. Seems like he’s got his wish of wanting to be like Mark Wright, now that he’s dating Sam, one of Mark’s exes.

While they frolicked in the pool at Harry’s 17^th fancy dress birthday party, Harry, who was dressed as Lady Gaga, Arg, as Fred Flintstone, and Lydia, as Elle from Legally Blonde, were having a more serious conversation about whether they can make their relationship work. James promised to Lyd he would go back to the ‘old Arg’, after becoming cocky and more confident. Something Lydia had commented on earlier to Lauren, claiming him and Mark had swapped roles. James told Lydia that she looked like a princess and he wanted to treat her like one.But Lydia didn’t seem so sure, and warned him this would be his last chance. Is this the end of the Mark and Arg partnership?

There was even more drama at the party, as Kirk and Lauren’s (Popey) mate Maria came head to head. The pair, who have made their feelings very clear about each other, had a slanging match, with Kirk swearing at Maria and telling her the only reason she hates him is because he didn’t give her free drinks at his club. Maria told Kirk that was rubbish and just an excuse for him to name drop the club. ‘You’re too good for Lauren’ she said, now that it looks like Kirk and Lauren may be getting back together.

Afterwards Maria came crying to Lauren. When Lauren asked how they could fix the problem, Maria replied, ‘We don’t. We just wait till he messes up again.’

So much for Harry’s no arguments at his party rule. But the 17-year-old did try and reclaim the limelight for himself by performing a Lady Gaga dance routine to Telephone, which to say the least was slightly cring-worthy. Teenage boy in a blonde wig and very tight fitting leotard, you get the picture?

The better outfits of the night included Nanny Pat’s the Queen, Amy’s Jessica Rabbit, Lucy’s Betty Boop and Mark and Lauren as Danny and Sandy from Grease.

The Only Way is Essex- Kirk and Arg in the doghouse

Kirk was caught red-handed last night as he walked straight into the path of his ex- Lauren ‘Popey’, hand in hand with his new date Lucy.

Kirk tried to make amends with Lauren, who told him she would only talk with him if he sent Lucy home. He needn’t have worried as Lucy walked out of the restaurant as soon as Lauren’s friend Maria shouted to her across the room that she is the village bike.

Kirk told Lauren he’d fucked up, missed her and never felt like this before with a girl. ‘If that was the case you wouldn’t have taken Lucy on a date’, she replied. ‘Why did you choose someone I know?’ Kirk apologised. ‘You’re not the same person, you’ve changed from person I used to know’, she said. ‘You think I want you after this?’

Perhaps Kirk should stick to taking out his new motor, courtesy of daddy, rather than any girls?

And it wasn’t only Kirk who was having girl troubles on last night’s Only Way is Essex. Arg received a mouthful from girlfriend Lydia, after he told her he bought a derelict town house for them to live in. Lucy said she couldn’t understand why he would want to live with her as he sees more of Mark, ignores her phone calls, doesn’t take her out anymore and lies about seeing other girls.

 ‘I’m sorry’, he said. ‘You always say that and nothing changes’ she replied. ‘They will this time’, he assured her. Famous last words James?

But it was Nanny Pat who stole the show and put everyone to shame, as she showed Mark old photos of her £50 wedding to his grandfather, which she went ahead with despite her father’s disapproval. She said how things were different then as people got married for love, not for a big flashy party. Her glam honeymoon? A caravan holiday to the Isle of Sheppey, that’s what I call working to a budget.

The Only Way is Essex-Stop picking on Arg

Poor James, it wasn’t just Mark, Lydia and her mum making fun of him about his weight on last night’s episode, but the whole slimming class when he read out his food diary outloud to the all female group.

After listing his days food, breakfast- a fry up, lunch- Nanny Pat’s macaroons, dinner -a steak and onion baguette, rack of ribs, sticky toffee pudding and tea and biscuits before bed, Ellie of Ellie’s slimming class told him ‘The problem is clear. From now on you can only eat chicken and salad and drink water or rose wine.’

‘No carbs before Marbs (Marbella)’ she chanted, the group’s catchphrase.

When James got home he was interrogated further by Lydia’s mum, who said she’s worried about the close relationship he has with Mark and suggested the pair sit down to discuss their sexuality. ‘I’ve seen it before’, said Lyd’s mum, ‘men getting married, having kids then realising they are gay.’ ‘I’m not gay’ James told her.

Meanwhile, Amy’s new assistant Paloma was transformed into an Amy Charles mini-me. On went the fake tan, false eyelashes, make-up and a push up bra. ‘You look like sisters’ Harry shrieked to Amy’s delight.

Paloma’s first client was flirtatious Joey Essex, who had a spray tan. ‘I go really brown in the sun’, he told the girls. ‘I think I have a bit of Spanish in me?’ ‘Do you’, said Amy. ‘No’, replied Joey. ‘Do you know any Spanish’, said Amy. ‘Yeah’, replied Joey. ‘Ula’. The girls laughed, ‘You mean Ola’, said Paloma?

Then Amy told Joey that she has some Irish in her and admitted she only just realised Ireland is a different country to England.’

Joey’s second attempt at the swing party to impress the Essex ladies didn’t go down much better. Lucy once again refused a date with the club promoter, telling Joey she wants a man not a boy and to get back to her once he’s decided he is his own man and not a carbon copy of Mark Wright. Sam also turned him down after he feed her some very chessey lines. ‘You’ve got to try harder than that’, she said.

Meanwhile, Joey’s cousin Chloe revealed to interested Kirk she has a daughter and seven years ago was fat, flat chested and blonde until a holiday to Marbella changed her.

The same evening, Lauren held a dinner party to win over Mark’s family, but Mark’s mum, sister Jess and Nanny Pat didn’t seem convinced the pair can really make a go of it, especially after Mark left before pudding to go and see Arg sing at the party, just to prove to Kirk he’s not under the thumb now he’s engaged.

The Only Way is Essex- the girls put their knowledge of geography to the test.

The girls proved the Essex stereotype to be true last night on the first episode of the new series on ITV2.

Beauty therapist Amy and new character, former playboy bunny Chloe, seemed torn when trying to decide where abouts Kent is in London? Lydia, James’ (Arg) girlfriend, painted her pig- Mr Darcy’s trotters to match her nails, and Sam and her sister opened their new boutique names after women’s privates- Minnie’s.

Unfortunately the boys weren’t much better, with James calling an extractor fan a ‘retractor’, apparently a selling point of the flat he tried to convince Lydia to move into with him, in the same block as best friend Mark, that and modern cupboards, how could a girl resist?

 Spoilt Kirk also shown his true colours, going to the bank of dad for money to buy a new car. Wanting a motor just like his dad’s, his idol, Kirk test drove a BMW and even put in a good word for his father with the saleswoman Gemma, whose description of her ideal man matched his dad perfectly, according to Kirk.

However it seems Mark may be on the verge of turning over a new leaf, after taking wise Nanny Pat’s advice to date only one girl, not three. Meeting at the local swimming pool, Nanny Pat, who donned a multi-colour floral swimming cap, warned Mark off his player lifestyle. And it appeared to work, as Mark told Sam at Sugarhut, after the opening of her boutique, that the pair of them are over as he wants to settle down with Lauren. But will he change his mind as Chloe’s cousin Joey, a mini me, makes a move on his ex Lucy?