The Only Way is Essex- Arg hearts Amy??

Sam told Amy last night that she thinks Arg fancies her? Amy reacted  by saying she didn’t feel the same and when she gave him an inch loss treatment at her salon earlier in the day she couldn’t even find his willy. Whereas Arg seemed more interested in looking at Amy’s breast while she wrapped him in cling film.

Even Lydia told her mum Debbie before the Ream party that she suspects Amy has a soft spot for James. Debbie said she thought she liked him as a friend. Lydia said that she hoped so as she isn’t completely over him yet. ‘I don’t think James is her type’, replied Debbie.

Meanwhile, Kirk proved his love for Lauren, Popey, by asking her to move in with him. The Sugar Hut manager took Lauren on a rowing boat on the river where he directed a remote control boat to her containing a jewellery box with a key. She seemed relieved it wasn’t an engagement ring, and agreed to move in with him. Although Maria didn’t seem too pleased and warned her not to get trapped. She told her she thought it was sad her and Kirk aren’t friends. Lauren replied there will become a point when you become friends, but it will take time. However, Kirk appeared to have other ideas as he reminded Lauren that Maria would not be welcome in his home. ‘Our home’, reminded Lauren.

Also on last night’s episode, Gemma continued with her attempt to woo Mick, which failed miserably. The BMW sales woman baked the club owner an apple pie, which she left outside his home with a note. The note said to enjoy the apple pie, but she forgot one crucial thing to say who it was from. Mick guessed wrongly that it was Chloe and thanked her for her efforts, but Chloe told him straight it wasn’t from her and warned him not to eat food left outside his home as he doesn’t know what’s in it. Mick replied that he enjoyed it and is ok.Gemma overheard their conversation and set the record straight, telling Mick she had baked the pie as she wanted to look after him and let him know how she feels about him without snogging his face off. ‘Did you enjoy it’ she said. Mick nodded and said thank you, probably not the response Gemma was looking for?

The Only Way is Essex-Stop picking on Arg

Poor James, it wasn’t just Mark, Lydia and her mum making fun of him about his weight on last night’s episode, but the whole slimming class when he read out his food diary outloud to the all female group.

After listing his days food, breakfast- a fry up, lunch- Nanny Pat’s macaroons, dinner -a steak and onion baguette, rack of ribs, sticky toffee pudding and tea and biscuits before bed, Ellie of Ellie’s slimming class told him ‘The problem is clear. From now on you can only eat chicken and salad and drink water or rose wine.’

‘No carbs before Marbs (Marbella)’ she chanted, the group’s catchphrase.

When James got home he was interrogated further by Lydia’s mum, who said she’s worried about the close relationship he has with Mark and suggested the pair sit down to discuss their sexuality. ‘I’ve seen it before’, said Lyd’s mum, ‘men getting married, having kids then realising they are gay.’ ‘I’m not gay’ James told her.

Meanwhile, Amy’s new assistant Paloma was transformed into an Amy Charles mini-me. On went the fake tan, false eyelashes, make-up and a push up bra. ‘You look like sisters’ Harry shrieked to Amy’s delight.

Paloma’s first client was flirtatious Joey Essex, who had a spray tan. ‘I go really brown in the sun’, he told the girls. ‘I think I have a bit of Spanish in me?’ ‘Do you’, said Amy. ‘No’, replied Joey. ‘Do you know any Spanish’, said Amy. ‘Yeah’, replied Joey. ‘Ula’. The girls laughed, ‘You mean Ola’, said Paloma?

Then Amy told Joey that she has some Irish in her and admitted she only just realised Ireland is a different country to England.’

Joey’s second attempt at the swing party to impress the Essex ladies didn’t go down much better. Lucy once again refused a date with the club promoter, telling Joey she wants a man not a boy and to get back to her once he’s decided he is his own man and not a carbon copy of Mark Wright. Sam also turned him down after he feed her some very chessey lines. ‘You’ve got to try harder than that’, she said.

Meanwhile, Joey’s cousin Chloe revealed to interested Kirk she has a daughter and seven years ago was fat, flat chested and blonde until a holiday to Marbella changed her.

The same evening, Lauren held a dinner party to win over Mark’s family, but Mark’s mum, sister Jess and Nanny Pat didn’t seem convinced the pair can really make a go of it, especially after Mark left before pudding to go and see Arg sing at the party, just to prove to Kirk he’s not under the thumb now he’s engaged.

The Only Way is Essex- the girls put their knowledge of geography to the test.

The girls proved the Essex stereotype to be true last night on the first episode of the new series on ITV2.

Beauty therapist Amy and new character, former playboy bunny Chloe, seemed torn when trying to decide where abouts Kent is in London? Lydia, James’ (Arg) girlfriend, painted her pig- Mr Darcy’s trotters to match her nails, and Sam and her sister opened their new boutique names after women’s privates- Minnie’s.

Unfortunately the boys weren’t much better, with James calling an extractor fan a ‘retractor’, apparently a selling point of the flat he tried to convince Lydia to move into with him, in the same block as best friend Mark, that and modern cupboards, how could a girl resist?

 Spoilt Kirk also shown his true colours, going to the bank of dad for money to buy a new car. Wanting a motor just like his dad’s, his idol, Kirk test drove a BMW and even put in a good word for his father with the saleswoman Gemma, whose description of her ideal man matched his dad perfectly, according to Kirk.

However it seems Mark may be on the verge of turning over a new leaf, after taking wise Nanny Pat’s advice to date only one girl, not three. Meeting at the local swimming pool, Nanny Pat, who donned a multi-colour floral swimming cap, warned Mark off his player lifestyle. And it appeared to work, as Mark told Sam at Sugarhut, after the opening of her boutique, that the pair of them are over as he wants to settle down with Lauren. But will he change his mind as Chloe’s cousin Joey, a mini me, makes a move on his ex Lucy?